Testimony in Minneapolis: Porn Condoned the Violence in Our Relationship

Citizens gave testimony about their encounters with porn and those who
consume porn to the Minneapolis Government Operations Committee on
December 12, 1983. This account appears in In Harm’s Way: The Pornography Civil Rights Hearings (p.107-108).

Testimony of Mr. C

Obscene is not the word for pornography. Pornography is dangerous. I was battered by my first lover, and the pornography each of us used condoned the violence.

When I was younger, I was exposed to heterosexual pornography, including Playboy, Penthouse, Oui, and other magazines. It was one of the places that I learned about sex, and it showed me that sex was violence. What I saw there was a specific relationship between men and women. The woman was to be used, objectified, humiliated, and hurt. The man was in a superior position, a position to be violent. In pornography I learned that what it meant to be sexual with a man or to be loved by a man was to accept his violence. When my lover was violent, I was taught that the violence was normal. I accepted the violence, which I did not like, and it was some time before I left the relationship.

My ex-lover used pornography. One of his first contacts with other men were in gay pornography theaters. He used pornography magazines before I met him. He started wanting to look at pornography together. I believe that pornography influenced his behavior. As our relationship progressed, it became violent. He threatened me with a knife, forced sex on me, and battered me on different occasions. The heterosexual pornography that I had been exposed to was one thing that convinced me that this kind of treatment was normal. The battering was one of the most profoundly destructive experiences of my life. Pornography has showed me that a man’s love was violent and to be close to my ex-lover I had to accept his violence.

There is a lot of sexual violence in the gay community, and pornography condones it. I was with my ex-lover after he had been raped by a casual sex partner, and my ex said that rape was just a risk you had to take. I was with a friend after he had been violently raped by his boyfriend, and his boyfriend did not understand that violence and force was not supposed to be a part of sex. The objectification and the violent themes in pornography promote and increase these kinds of violence.

3 thoughts on “Testimony in Minneapolis: Porn Condoned the Violence in Our Relationship

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