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	<updated>2008-05-16T16:44:06Z</updated>
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		<title>Valley Advocate Website Announces 2008's "Best" Adult Entertainment Club; Holsopple's Inside Report on Stripping (explicit language)</title>
		<link rel="alternate" href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2008/05/15/strip-clubs-holsopple-valley-advocate-mardi-gras-springfield-best.aspx" />
		<id>tag:nopornnorthampton.org,2008-05-15:de4ec63e-67d7-4ef3-9a9c-878eb6826c1c</id>
		<author>
			<name>NPNAdmin</name>
		</author>
		<category term="Feminist Perspective" />
		<category term="Debate on the Issues" />
		<category term="Business Ethics" />
		<category term="Media Ethics" />
		<category term="Strip Clubs" />
		<category term="Prostitution" />
		<updated>2008-05-15T20:00:31Z</updated>
		<published>2008-05-15T15:07:00Z</published>
		<content type="html"><![CDATA[If you visit the Valley Advocate website today and click through to their <a href="http://www.valleyadvocate.com/best/best_08.cfm">"Best of 2008"</a> page, you'll see it leads off with "Adult entertainment club", partly because this category starts with "A" and partly because the Advocate considers this to be just another leisure option, on par with "Art gallery" or "Charity event"...<br><br>
<center>
<img src="http://images.quickblogcast.com/28534-27078/web_leisure_mardi_gras.jpg" border="0" width="408"><br><br>
</center><br>Within the "Best of 2008" issue itself, the Advocate uncritically relays that the Mardi Gras strip club offers a "convergence of elegance and energy mixed with sophisticated and sensual decor." <br><br><br>
<center>
<img src="http://images.quickblogcast.com/28534-27078/best_adult_club_2008.jpg" border="0" width="333">
</center>

<br><br>As our readers know from our May 4 post, <a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2008/05/04/lap-dancing-united-kingdom-julie-bindel.aspx">"Profitable Exploits: Lap Dancing in the UK"</a>, this "elegant" framing is common in the strip club industry:<br><blockquote>All clubs promised ‘luxury’ in their advertising, and appealed to potential clientele as a ‘better class’ of person than those who frequent strip clubs, for example, by using the term ‘gentlemen’s club’...<br><br>

All club owners denied that the lap dancing business was part of the
sex industry, but all, without exception, accused other club owners of
running disreputable clubs offering sexual services. Their own clubs,
in contrast, were seen as part of the leisure industry...</blockquote><br>For a deeper level of insight than you'll find in the Advocate, here are excerpts from a <a href="http://www.ccv.org/downloads/pdf/Strip_club_study.pdf">study</a> (PDF) conducted by someone who stripped for 13 years...<br><blockquote>

<center>
<font size="4"><a href="http://www.ccv.org/downloads/pdf/Strip_club_study.pdf"><font size="4"><b>Strip Club Testimony</b></font></a></font><br>
by Kelly Holsopple<br><br>

The Freedom and Justice Center for Prostitution Resources:<br>
A Program of the Volunteers of America of Minnesota<br><br>

</center>

Stripclubs are popularly promoted as providing harmless entertainment and as places where
respectful men go to watch and talk to women (Reed 1997). Stripclub customers are described as normal
men who use stripclubs to avoid adultery and therefore find a safe outlet for their sexual desires in
balance with their marital commitments (Reed 1997)...<br><br>

Regardless of the agreements claiming
independent contractor status, clubs maintain enormous control over the women. The club controls the
schedule and hours, requires strippers to pay rental fees, tip support staff large amounts, and even sets
the price of table dances and private dances. Clubs have specific rules about costuming and even dictate
the sequence of stripping and nudity... At nude clubs, it is common for the performers to be shaved
clean, giving them an adolescent and even childlike appearance...<br><br>

Women are fined heavily by club management: $1 per minute for
being late, as much as $100 for calling in sick, and other arbitrary amounts for "talking back" to
customers or staff, using the telephone without permission, and touching stage mirrors...<br><br>

Despite the stripclub’s representation of a dancing job as flexible, strippers attest that their
relationship with the club becomes all consuming and everything associated with being a stripper
interferes with living a normal life. And despite the common perception that a woman can dance her
way through school, many strippers report that their jobs take over their lives. Long and late hours,
fatigue, drug and alcohol problems, and out of town bookings make it difficult to switch gears... Furthermore, stripping usually involves prostitution (Boles and Garbin 1974; Forsyth and Deshotels 1997; Prewitt 1989; Ronai and Ellis 1989; Thompson and Harrod 1992)...<br><br>

Strippers at
gentlemen’s clubs are further informed by management that they are not allowed to buy their own
drinks, that they have to be sitting with customers, and can never turn down a drink, even when their
drinks are full...<br><br>

Some stages are elevated runways so narrow that strippers say that cannot get away from
customers on each side touching them...<br><br>

On stage, some women’s thoughts wander, while others’ focus on angry desperation. <i>"I
daydream about nothing in particular to pass the time of 12 minutes." "I’m thinking about how good I
look in the mirrors and how good I feel in dance movements." "I tell myself to smile." "I think about
getting high and that I am making money to get high." "I am giving these guys every chance to be
decent, so that I don’t have to be afraid of them." "I am filled with disdain for the customers who do not
tip, but sit and watch and direct you to do things for no money." "I think of how cheap these fuckers are,
what bills I need to pay."</i><br><br>

A variety of private dances are promoted in strip clubs...<br><br>

<b>Lap dancing</b> requires the woman to straddle the man’s lap and grind against him until he
ejaculates in his pants. A variation involves the woman dancing between his legs while he slides down
in his chair so that the dancer’s thighs are rubbing his crotch as she moves...<br><br>

During private dances women are conscientious about their boundaries and safety. <i>"I don’t want
him to touch me, but I am afraid he will say something violent if I tell him ‘no’." "I was thinking about
doing prostitution because that’s when customers would proposition me." "I could only think about how
bad these guys smell and try to hold my breath." "I spent the dance hyper vigilant to avoiding their
hands, mouths, and crotches." "We were allowed to place towels on the guys’ laps, so it wasn’t so bad."
"I don’t remember because it was so embarrassing."</i><br><br>

...The greatest response to questions regarding preparation for work was "drink". Women drink
while getting ready to go to work and they drink while doing their hair and make-up once in the dressing
room...<br><br>

One hundred percent of the eighteen women in the survey report being physically abused in the
stripclub. The physical abuse ranged from three to fifteen times with a mean of 7.7 occurrences over the
course of their involvement in stripping. One hundred percent of the eighteen women in this study report
sexual abuse in the stripclub. The sexual abuse ranged from two to nine occurrences with a mean of 4.4
occurrences over the course of their involvement in stripping. One hundred percent of the women report
verbal harassment in the stripclub. The verbal abuse ranged from one to seven occurrences with a mean
of 4.8 occurrences over the course of their involvement in stripping. One hundred percent of the women
report being propositioned for prostitution. Seventy eight percent of the women were stalked by
someone associated with the stripclub with a range of one to seven incidents. Sixty one percent of the
women report that someone associated with the stripclub has attempted to sexually assault her with a
range of one to eleven attempts. Not only do women suffer the abuse they experience, all of women in
the survey witnessed these things happen to other strippers in the clubs. The overwhelming trend for
violence against women in stripclubs was committed by customers of the establishments. Stripclub
owners, managers, assistant managers, and the staff of bartenders, music programmers or disc jockeys,
bouncers, security guards, floorwalkers, doormen, and valet were significantly less involved in violence
against the women. According to the women in this study, almost all of the perpetrators suffered no
consequence whatsoever for their actions...<br><br>

Customers spit on women, spray beer, and flick cigarettes at them. Strippers are pelted with ice,
coins, trash, condoms, room keys, pornography, and golf balls. Men pitched a live guinea pig and a dead
squirrel at two women in the survey. Some women have been hit with cans and bottles thrown from the
audience. Customers pull women’s hair, yank them by the arm or ankle, rip their costumes, and try to
pull their costumes off. Women are commonly bitten, licked, slapped, punched, and pinched...<br><br>

Stripclub customers frequently grab women’s breasts, buttocks, and genitals. Customers often
attempt and succeed at penetrating strippers vaginally and anally with their fingers, dollar bills, and
bottles. Customers expose their penises, rub their penises on women, and masturbate in front of the
women. Women in this study consistently connected lap dances to the sexual abuse they suffered in the
club. <i>"That’s the first thing men try to do when they get close to you and always in a lap dance."</i>
Stripclub owners, managers, and staff also expect women to masturbate them and some have forced
intercourse on strippers...<br><br>

Customers, owners, managers, and staff alike engage in harassing name-calling. Women are
continually called "cunt, "whore", "pussy", "slut", and "bitch". Women in this study charge that men in
the stripclub called them other demeaning or degrading names like ugly, looser, fat, pregnant, boy,
stupid, crack, slash, snatch, beaver, dog, dyke, lezzie, brown eye, hooters, junkie, crackhead, and shit.<br><br>

Forty four percent of the women report that men associated with the stripclub have threatened to
hurt them physically. These women report from three to 150 threats during their involvement in
stripping. Threats range from verbal threats of slaps, ass whippings, and rapes to physical postures of
punching and back hand slapping. <i>"When I wouldn’t let a customer grab on me, he would call me a bitch
and threaten to kick my ass or rape me." "When a customer grabs and the woman and the girl takes
action, they threaten".</i>..<br><br>Women say that prostitution is influenced and suggested by management. One woman new to
stripping was dumbfounded at how little money she was making taking her clothes off, so she asked the
manager for his advice on increasing tips. He suggested turning tricks and said he could help her set up
dates. Management sets up tricks, says it is good for business, and obligates women to turn over money
from prostitution to the club. Women say prostitution is promoted even though owners tell women they
would be punished if they turn tricks...<br><br>

Women disclosed that they were recruited into prostitution through stripping. Although
the strip industry markets stripping as something other than prostitution, some women consider
prostitution an extension of stripping and stripping a form of prostitution. Pimps season women first
with stripping and then turn them out into brothels or escort services for more money. Tricks, sugar
daddies, pimps, and drug dealers in the stripclub seek to engage women in prostitution. Another young
woman said that soon after she became involved in stripping, a pimp who posed as a customer in the
stripclub manipulated her into an escort service by promising that she could make more money in less
time simply by accompanying businessmen to dinner. She agreed in order to feed her crack addiction
and as her addiction increased she slid down from gentlemen’s clubs to escort service to brothel to street
and crack house prostitution...<br><br>

Women report that they have to have the right attitude to make
money (Ronai 1992). This ordinarily was described as being drunk, high or numb (Forsyth and
Deshotels 1997). Others feel it required tolerance. <i>"The ability to ignore customers for just being there."</i>

...Women in stripping feel it doesn’t take much skill to be a stripper (Forsyth and Deshotels 1997;
McCaghy and Skipper 1970). <i>"It would be nice to say women need dance talent but it’s not true." "Tits,
pussy, and blonde hair is all it takes."</i> Instead they referred to dissociation to abuse. <i>"It takes a
willingness to do it…anybody can do it." "It takes somebody who can shut themselves off and be really
fake." "…the ability to take a lot of abuse."</i> ...Women in stripping want a union to protect strippers, decent
working conditions, fair treatment, and an end to cruelty by management. Lastly, strippers think that
women and girls don’t know what they are getting into when they first start dancing...<br><br>

The women in this study condemn the men associated with stripping and the impact stripping has
on them as the worst parts of stripping. Women do not like the way customers treat them (Thompson
and Harred 1992). Furthermore they say they do not like talking to customers, asking men for money,
and resent having to have to deal with them at all. They find customers irritating because they are drunk
and have negative attitudes towards women. Women characterize customers as scum, psycho mama’s
boys, rapists and child molesters, old perverted men, idiots, ass-holes, and pigs. Strippers are largely
disgusted by customers and describe them as pitiful and pathetic, stupid and ignorant, sick, controlling
and abusive. <i>"They smell so sour, they breathe very heavy and kind of wheeze when women are near."
"They are weak abusers who have to subordinate women and girls to feel like a man." "I see my dad.
They’re old enough to be my father." "Yuck. I am repulsed by the sight, sound, smell, and touch of
them." "I’m embarrassed for them."</i> The women offer insightful evaluations of stripclub customers.
They say that these men do not know how to communicate. Moreover, they perceive that customers are
out of control, have power and abuse problems, and will do anything to degrade women because they
hate women. Strippers also state that customers want a free show and think women are cheap. In
contrast, a few women positively perceived some customers as nice and added they are thankful to those
who tip well.<br><br>

Women in this study undoubtedly denounce stripclub owners as pimps and "glorified pimps" and
maintain that owners misuse power and are sick. The women also label managers as pimps citing that
they mistreat women, that they make every attempt to take money from the women, and that they are
sick because they are affiliated with the industry and know the harm they do. Strippers accuse managers
of being threatened and jealous of the money women make and that women are just a dollar to
management. Finally, women refer to staff music programmers, doormen, bartenders, bouncers,
floorwalkers, and valet as wanna-be pimps because they always want to be tipped. The women see staff
as derelicts who can’t get a job anywhere else and who think they are cool for working in a stripclub.
Strippers perceive staff as creepy and disrespectful and as "looky-lous" who just want to look at naked
women for free. Women criticize staff by pointing out that at least owners are making big money. Few
women had positive responses, but those that did felt they got along well with staff and had no real hard
feelings...<br><br>

Women in this study expressed mostly negativism regarding their experiences in stripping with
themes of abuse, deception, drugs, and low self-esteem...<br><br>

Above all, women in stripping reject the popular image of stripping and clarify the common misperceptions
about stripclubs. <i>"That no one touches you, women enjoy it, and it’s okay for men to go
there." "That women actually get to wear a costume and actually get to dance." "That we get sexually
aroused doing this." "That men are there to have harmless fun, when they are really there to abuse
women." "That it is a big party and that the women want to be there for some reason other than money,
like sex or to meet men or because they are nudists or exhibitionists." "That you are doing things you
want to be doing." "That they are not degrading us because girls always are justifying it with college."
"That it is not prostitution." "That it is glamorous, fast money, easy work, way to get ahead."</i><br><br>...The verbal harassment, physical and sexual abuse, and financial exploitation
women suffer in stripclubs is unparalleled in any other legitimate workplace.

</blockquote><br>Rather than expose this industry for what it is, the Advocate has decided to party with the exploiters and the abusers. Let editor <a href="mailto:tvannah@valleyadvocate.com">Tom Vannah</a> know how you feel about this.<br><br><br>See also:<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/12/12/call-to-action-ask-the-valley-advocates-new-owner-to-drop-the-sex-ads.aspx">Ask the Valley Advocate's New Owner to Drop the Sex Ads</a><br>Dear Mr. Brown:<br><br>Congratulations on your recent purchase of the
Valley Advocate. I hope you will take this opportunity to free the
Advocate of the ads for escort services and adult enterprises that
compromise its progressive mission. New York Press took a similar step
this summer after being acquired by Manhattan Media...<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2008/05/06/truth-about-lap-dancing-performer-interview-object-uk.aspx">The Truth About Lap Dancing: A Performer Speaks Out</a><br>


The key fact is that everyone knows they can make more money by
breaking the rules. In a culture where you are literally selling yourself
for cash, and you are working on commission, then you’d have to
work very hard indeed to stop people going for extra money if they
know they can make it.<br><br>

Since there are no incentives to encourage dancers not to break the
rules, and the customers are always prepared to pay more to get
more, then licensing terms will always be broken...<br><br>


Lap dancers don’t have employment rights like everyone else. They
are self employed so they aren’t paid a wage, they don’t get holiday
pay, sick pay, all the other things which people are entitled to in other
jobs. Instead they work like prostitutes, they only get money if they
get a man. And they will get as much out of each man as they can.
And unlike enforcing licensing terms, when it came to the regulations
enforced on the women, the management was absolute: you went on
the pole or you were fined £20. You would then be called to the pole
again and if you missed that you would be fined another £20. And so
on...<br><br>

Getting drunk was considered by many to be the aim of the night as
well as making money. If you had managed to get drunk on other
people’s money then you had done well...<br><br>

There is still an horrendous power imbalance between the genders.
Lap dancing clubs feed and breed that power imbalance. Lap dancing
is the opposite of empowering...<br><br>

I now realise that lap dancing is one of the hardest things I ever did. I
found it tough, soul destroying and it had begun to strip me of my
humanity. I began to see everyone in terms of how much I could get
out of them. I had begun to really hate men, to be bored in their
company. I stopped caring about people around me because I was
surrounded by this atmosphere of constant mistrust.<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/07/08/springfield-republican-article-strip-clubs-and-mafia.aspx">Springfield Republican Reports on Strip Clubs and the Mafia</a><br>"The individual stated that the owners of these
businesses do not want to pay Bruno, but that Bruno was
pressuring them to pay this money through intimidation of
organized crime," the source reported. The affidavit
identifies the alleged payers as the Mardis Gras on Taylor
Street, Teddy B's strip club on Worthington Street, two
other unnamed strip clubs and the Red Rose restaurant on
Main Street...<br><br>

"The presence of two subjects inside the Mardi Gras
on weekend nights serves to represent the interests of (LCN)
in New York..."<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/01/12/carolyn-mckenzie-porn-viewing-strippers.aspx">Carolyn McKenzie: Undercover with the Viewing Booths; Disease, Intoxicants Prevalent Among Strip Dancers (explicit language)</a><br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2006/10/29/former-stripper-tells-easthampton-hearing-about-the-life-it-stinks.aspx">Former Stripper Tells Easthampton Hearing about the Life: It Stinks</a><br><br><a target="" class="" href="http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/TV/02/08/obit.smith/index.html">CNN: Anna Nicole Smith, 1967-2007</a><br>Smith was working as a topless dancer in Houston, Texas, when she made her first appearance in Playboy...<br><br>[Larry] King said Smith reminded people of late movie star Marilyn Monroe. Monroe died at 36 of a drug overdose in 1962...<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/07/08/strip-poker-mens-club-blog-blame-womens-lib-for-strip-clubs.aspx">Strip Poker Men's Club: Women's Lib to Blame for Men's Going to Strip Clubs</a><br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/07/08/strip-club-tips-fantasies-lies-exploitation-despair.aspx">Strip Club Tips: How to Savor an Exquisite Blend of Fantasies, Lies, Exploitation and Despair (explicit language)</a><br>For a stripper's perspective, we present a selection from <a href="http://www.ofuzi.com/2007/03/16/37-stripper-rants/">37 Stripper Rants</a>, as posted in March to gripe site Ofuzi...<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/06/30/strip-clubs-next-hot-thing-on-wall-street-peter-siris-tells-barrons.aspx">Strip Clubs: Dancers Pay to Work There</a><br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2008/05/04/lap-dancing-united-kingdom-julie-bindel.aspx">Profitable Exploits: Lap Dancing in the UK</a><br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/04/14/testimony-in-massachusetts-my-experiences-with-men-porn-domestic-abuse-explicit.aspx">"Waitressing, I cleaned the floors and I own a box of men's
wedding rings that I found on the floor."</a><br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2006/09/25/the-science-behind-pornography-addiction.aspx">The Science Behind Pornography Addiction (explicit language)</a><br>[Performers in the sex industry] have high rates of substance abuse,
typically alcohol and cocaine, depression, borderline personality
disorder which is a particularly serious disorder and dissociative
identity disorder which used to be called multiple personality
disorder. The experience I find most common among the performers is
that they have to be drunk, high or dissociated in order to go to work.
Their work environment is particularly toxic. One study on strippers
indicated that they were likely to be punched, slapped, grabbed, called
cunt and whore and to be followed home or stalked...<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2008/04/25/prostitution-politics-policy-roger-matthews-valley-advocate.aspx">Prostitution: "It is high time to expose and challenge the liberal consensus"</a><br>...In the book, Matthews describes most women he has met on the streets as
"extremely desperate, damaged, and disorganised". "Many of these women,
who are supposed to be 'working', are obviously off their faces with
drugs and drink," he says. "Which other 'profession' would that be
tolerated in?"<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/03/16/life-of-porn-star-shelley-lubben-tedious-drugs-pain-disease-risk.aspx">Ex-Porn Star Shelley Lubben Talks about Days on the Set: Tedious, Intoxicated, Painful, Risky</a><br>While waiting around, jaded porn performers usually end up in the rest
rooms with bottles of alcohol and lines of speed or outside in their
cars for a heroin fix or gathered in the back yard with other actors to
smoke marijuana...<br><br>I tried to kill myself. I swallowed several bottles of prescription
pills and sliced my wrists but it seemed no matter what I did, I
couldn't die. So I turned off the pain and became a lifeless zombie.
Then there were times the pain and trauma would surface and I'd throw
fits of rage, yelling and breaking things. I was mad at God, hated
myself and hated my parents. Only alcohol and drugs could soothe my
pain...<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/02/01/jenna-jamesons-tragic-backstory-virgins-paris-hilton.aspx">Jenna Jameson's Tragic Backstory; Seeking Virgins with Paris Hilton</a><br>...Jameson had acquired a
devastating crystal-meth (amphetamine) habit. It nearly killed her.
Rescued by a friend, she was sent back to her father to recuperate: she
was so emaciated that she had to be put on the plane in a wheelchair,
and when he came to meet her at the airport, he didn't recognise her.
<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/08/11/raffala-anderson-and-the-french-porno-industry-explicit-language.aspx">Raffaëla Anderson and the French Porno Industry (explicit language)</a><br>...Raffaëla Anderson explains that, as a teenager, she had an admiration
for Dutch porn actress Zara Whites, whom she was seeing on TV. Raffaëla
was seeing a participation in the porno industry as a good way to earn
money easily to be able to flee her abusive familial environment, and
acquire a desired autonomy. However, she did not expect the difficult
and abusive situation she was going to find herself in, inside of that
industry. She was taking drugs and drinking alcohol to be able to cope
with the "job"...<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/03/13/interview-with-ex-porn-star-traci-lords-child-abuse-drugs-bad-pay.aspx">Interview with Ex-Porn Star Traci Lords: Abused as a Child; High on the Set;
Power, Not Arousal; Bad Pay</a><br>

KING: So in many of the porn films, you'd be stoned while doing them?<br><br>
LORDS: Oh, yes. As often as possible. I was stoned for about three
years, from 15 to 18, almost constantly. I was suicidal. I was wild...<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/05/05/2007-anti-pornography-slide-show-presented-by-gail-dines.aspx">Gail Dines Presents: Pornography and Pop Culture (explicit)</a><br><b>In pornography, women are</b><br><ul><li>cum dumpsters</li><li>fucktubes</li><li>slut sandwiches</li><li>m.i.l.f.'s</li><li>wet cunts</li><li>fresh teen ass</li><li>horny old broads</li><li>hot slits</li><li>slanteyed sluts</li><li>naughty schoolgirls</li><li>tight pink pussies</li><li>stupid hoes</li><li>naughty nymphos</li><li>big booty ghetto girls</li><li>drunk bar sluts</li><li>cameltoes</li><li>pathetic bitches</li><li>little hoochies</li><li>squirting skanks</li><li>kung pao pussies</li></ul><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2008/01/17/herbert-brooks-osayande-misogyny-money-power-amazing-net-war-on-women-and-blacks-explicit.aspx">Herbert, Brooks and Osayande on Misogyny, Money and
Power; Amazing.net's War on Women and Blacks (explicit)</a><br><b>NOW ON SALE AT AMAZING.NET/GOFLIX.COM...</b><br><br><b>Dumb Blonde Bitches (24hr)</b><br><br><b>Extreme Audition #6</b><br>What
happens when you have a tiny little blonde walk into your studio? Well
a lot of fun for Michael Kahn. This pretty little thing was in tears by
the end of this video. She had no tolerance for pain and so it was
great fun to beat her little ass.<br><br><b>New Blood</b><br>Hold on tight and smile Bitch! The only difference between a filthy cunt whore on the street and a porn star is the camera.<br><br><b>Pain #26</b><br>Can you maintain ninety minutes of
masochistic mayhem?! Watch today's most worthless degenerates line up
for abuse and debasement. On the street. In private. Female pigs have
been stripped of all dignity. Listen to their wretched screams. Watch
their distorted pained faces. Then jerk off to the brutal inhumanity of
it all!<br><br><b>Young Dumb And Full Of Cum</b><br>The Hottest In Hardcore! They're Cute And Have A Mind Like A 20 Watt Bulb!...<br><br><b>Big Black Ass Next Door #16</b><br><i>Tag on box cover: "NAPPY-HEADED HOS!"</i><br>Homeboys dog the bitches out on camera. Watch as these hoes get tricked into sucking dick and giving pussy for free.<br><br><b>Ghetto Booty Vol. 6</b><br>Fast girls.. Fast money...
Nowadays girls are bout making their money anyway they can and we got a
whole bunch to spend but only if she dont mind givin it up in front of
our little camera of course. So we found 5 bout it freaks that were
bout gettin their paper which was cool because they are going to need
it to wipe up all the nut!<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2006/12/07/motivations-for-pursuing-an-acting-career-in-pornography.aspx">Porn Actresses: Most Careers Are Short, Few Are Lucrative (explicit language)</a><br>Although the industry is dependent on fans for survival, many of the
respondents reported a fairly negative image of the imagined viewer...
Ironically, then, actresses and actors are motivated in part to receive
recognition from a group they know little about and often disparage. In
addition, they reported little pride in the products they produce. Like
most artifacts in the "sleaze industry", porn is disposable,
mass-produced, fungible, and easily forgotten... Unlike the "straight"
industry, actors and actresses are paid a flat fee for their
performances, and receive no royalties for successful projects.<br>
<br>]]></content>
	</entry>
	<entry>
		<title>Bloomberg Columnist Likes Sweden's Approach to Prostitution</title>
		<link rel="alternate" href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2008/05/09/ann-woolner-bloomberg-sweden-prostitution-laws.aspx" />
		<id>tag:nopornnorthampton.org,2008-05-09:5b404339-1c7e-4d61-98eb-7971d1699d50</id>
		<author>
			<name>NPNAdmin</name>
		</author>
		<category term="Legal Strategies" />
		<category term="Ordinances and Regulations" />
		<category term="Debate on the Issues" />
		<category term="Prostitution" />
		<updated>2008-05-09T12:58:40Z</updated>
		<published>2008-05-09T12:47:00Z</published>
		<content type="html"><![CDATA[Ann Woolner applauds Sweden's approach to prostitution on <a href="http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601039&amp;sid=aFk_jdeeoFUg&amp;refer=home#">Bloomberg.com</a> today:<br><blockquote>

<b><a href="http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601039&amp;sid=aFk_jdeeoFUg&amp;refer=home#">Legalize Selling Your Body, Criminalize Buying It: Ann Woolner</a></b><br><br>...de-criminalizing the flesh business encourages human trafficking and boosts the presence of organized crime, according to studies. There is no drop in brutality, either, and some indication it increases.<br><br>

"Anyone contemplating such a move has to accept that it means an expansion of the sex industry -- both the legal and illegal sectors,'' concluded an exhaustive 2003 <a href="http://www.nswp.org/pdf/BINDEL-CRITICAL.PDF">study</a> [PDF] by the London Metropolitan University.<br><br>

"Legalisation is a 'pull factor' for traffickers,'' says the study, "A Critical Examination of Responses to Prostitution in Four Countries.'' Those countries are Australia, Ireland, the Netherlands and Sweden...<br><br>

Only in Sweden, which took a different approach, did a change of law help...<br><br>

The idea is to attack the demand for prostitution and stop those who profit from other people's bodies. This reverses the usual approach, which lands the prostitute in jail while letting the john and the pimp go...</blockquote><br>

See also:<br><br>

<a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/10/08/swedens-dramatic-success-in-ameliorating-prostitution.aspx">Sweden's Prostitution Solution: Why Hasn't Anyone Tried This Before?</a><br>Today, not only do the Swedish people continue to overwhelmingly
support their country's approach to prostitution (80% of people in
favor according to national opinion polls), but the country's police
and prosecutors have also come around. They are now among the
legislation's staunchest supporters. Sweden's law enforcement community
has found that the prostitution legislation benefits them in dealing
with all sex crimes, particularly in enabling them to virtually wipe
out the element of organized crime that plagues other countries where
prostitution has been legalized or regulated.<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2008/04/18/dorchen-leidholdt-prostitution-sex-trafficking-curtail-demand.aspx">Dorchen Leidholdt, "Demand and the Debate"</a><br>
<br>
 <a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2008/04/06/puncturing-alan-dershowitz-prostitution-delusions.aspx">Puncturing Alan Dershowitz's Delusions about Prostitution</a><br>
<br>
 <a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2008/04/25/prostitution-politics-policy-roger-matthews-valley-advocate.aspx">Prostitution: "It is high time to expose and challenge the liberal
consensus"</a><br>
<br>
 <a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/10/12/melissa-farley-prostitution-and-trafficking-in-nevada-making-the-connections.aspx">New Book - Prostitution and Trafficking in Nevada: Making the
Connections</a><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/10/08/swedens-dramatic-success-in-ameliorating-prostitution.aspx"></a><br>
 <a href="http://www.prostitutionresearch.com/faq/000008.html">Prostitution: Factsheet on Human Rights Violations</a><br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/04/20/realities-of-teen-prostitution-mock-notions-of-sex-work-empowerment-media-glamorizes-pimps.aspx">Realities of Teen Prostitution Mock Notions of 'Sex
Work', 'Sex-Positive', 'Freedom' and 'Empowerment'; Media Glamorizes Pimps</a><br>
<br>
 <a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/07/13/andrea-lavigne-thought-experiment-for-those-who-want-to-legalize-prostitution.aspx">A Thought Experiment for Those Who Want to Legalize
Prostitution</a><br>]]></content>
	</entry>
	<entry>
		<title>The Truth About Lap Dancing: A Performer Speaks Out</title>
		<link rel="alternate" href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2008/05/06/truth-about-lap-dancing-performer-interview-object-uk.aspx" />
		<id>tag:nopornnorthampton.org,2008-05-06:679b2c1a-e37b-45db-ae73-aee030071fa4</id>
		<author>
			<name>NPNAdmin</name>
		</author>
		<category term="Feminist Perspective" />
		<category term="Debate on the Issues" />
		<category term="Ordinances and Regulations" />
		<category term="Strip Clubs" />
		<category term="Prostitution" />
		<updated>2008-05-06T16:42:52Z</updated>
		<published>2008-05-06T15:48:00Z</published>
		<content type="html"><![CDATA[<i><a href="http://www.object.org.uk/index.html">Object</a> is a UK group that challenges 'Sex Object Culture'. They have kindly authorized us to reprint their interview with a former lap/pole dancer.</i><br><br>

<font size="5"><b>The Truth About Lap Dancing</b></font><br>
A Performer Speaks Out<br>Object 2007<br><br><br>

<b><i>Comments on this Report</i></b><br><br>

This testimonial is prepared from an interview with Lucy Brown, a former
lap/pole dancer who approached Object herself and with whom we have
met on several occasions.<br><br>

Her testimony reflects that from other performers presented in research
carried out by Julie Bindel [<a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2008/05/04/lap-dancing-united-kingdom-julie-bindel.aspx">link</a>] for Glasgow City Council.<br><br><br>

<b><i>Notes About Lap Dancing</i></b><br><br>
Performers are self employed – their only source of income comes from
customer’s payment for services.<br><br>
Performers often have to pay ‘house fees’ for working in a club, often
paying retainers on the days they do not work.<br><br>
Performers now will typically be fully nude, with shaved pubic hair.<br><br><br>

<b><i>The Beginning</i></b><br><br>

<b>Penny, can you tell us about your involvement in the industry?</b>
<br><br>

I worked in two clubs from the Secret’s chain. I was a dancer at both.
The work involved chatting to men, private dances (fully nude) and
pole dancing (no nudity). There was also a VIP area where you could
take a client to spend the hour for chat and as many dances as they
wanted.<br><br>

<b>Were checks were made on your age or immigration status?</b><br><br>

I gave a fake NUS card as ID, which was accepted as documentary
evidence, proof of age, proof that I was able to work in the UK.
<br><br>

<b>Were there any particular reasons that you went into lap dancing?</b><br><br>

I was fired from my office job and needed money fast. I didn’t feel
qualified to do anything else. I was bored of working nine to five and
thought it would be an easy way of making good money. I thought it
would solve my financial situation quickly and easily. I was also using
drugs at the time and knew that it was a lifestyle that would allow me
to continue doing so.<br><br>

I was at a point in my life where I felt helpless and hopeless and
somehow I felt that it was all I could do.<br><br>


<b>Why do you think <i>other</i> performers go into the industry?</b><br><br>


Some of the women working in the club were clearly self-sufficient,
driven individuals who found that lap dancing suited them. However
some of the others were young eighteen year olds, others had moved
here from eastern Europe, others were working as nurses during the
day and coming in to the club at night, exhausted and wired, others
were single mothers.<br><br>


<b>So at least this was probably a positive experience for some performers?</b><br><br>

I certainly knew a few dancers at the clubs who had long dreamed of
being lap dancers and whose families thought they had done well to
get the job. They also saw it as a route into glamour modelling,
celebrity, and thought it was a good way to meet a rich man.<br><br>

While this was how they presented themselves, once you began to
dig a little deeper you discovered other things about them. For
example, previous relationships involving domestic violence. Ongoing
issues with men who controlled them. Drink problems. Self-esteem
issues.<br><br><br>


<b><i>Licensing terms</i></b><br><br>


<b>In your experience, do clubs abide by their licensing terms?</b><br><br>

Club regulations <i>stated</i> that it was necessary to remain one foot away
from the customers at all times.<br><br>


But It’s laughable to suggest that this was abided by, it really is.<br><br>

Not touching, not exposing your genitals, not allowing men to touch
you is the exception rather than the rule.<br><br>

I would say most of the lap dances I ever did were less than one foot
away from the man and that physical contact of some description was
usually made. Some of the more regular customers knew and
expected it.<br><br>


Lots of the regular customers would make arrangements to come to
the club to see specific dancers. My impression was that in these
cases that more extreme sexual contact might well have been being
performed and paid for accordingly.<br><br>


<b>Why do you think the rules were so often broken?</b><br><br>


If men weren’t prepared to pay for it, then all touching and exposure
would cease.<br><br>


The key fact is that everyone knows they can make more money by
breaking the rules. In a culture where you are literally selling yourself
for cash, and you are working on commission, then you’d have to
work very hard indeed to stop people going for extra money if they
know they can make it.<br><br>

Since there are no incentives to encourage dancers not to break the
rules, and the customers are always prepared to pay more to get
more, then licensing terms will always be broken.<br><br>


<b>What did management do to try and ensure licensing terms weren’t
breached?</b><br><br>

Occasionally the management would come round and tell you off if
you were dancing too close in a really public place, but that was for
the sake of appearances.<br><br>

One night, I think one time after Stringfellows had been busted for
being a brothel, the management put up all these newspaper
clippings about how the council were sending round people to check
the licensing.<br><br>

Another time some policemen came in and the manager came over
to warn me about behaving when dancing for policemen.<br><br>

The attitude of the management was, make sure you know who
you’re dancing for before you break the rules. The attitude is <i>not</i> that
we abide by the rules because they are there for a reason, the
attitude is <i>we abide by the rules if and only if there is a danger of
getting caught.</i><br><br>


<b>How do you feel the clubs you worked at compared with others?</b><br><br>

What went on the VIP areas in our club was pretty tame I think. But
certainly other, bigger, clubs in town had worse reputations. I heard
that at one major club in town it was expected of you, if you went to
VIP, that the man would at least be allowed to put his fingers inside
you.<br><br><br>


<b><i>money</i></b><br><br>


<b>Can you tell us a little about ‘salary and employment’ terms?</b><br><br>


Lap dancers don’t have employment rights like everyone else. They
are self employed so they aren’t paid a wage, they don’t get holiday
pay, sick pay, all the other things which people are entitled to in other
jobs. Instead they work like prostitutes, they only get money if they
get a man. And they will get as much out of each man as they can.
And unlike enforcing licensing terms, when it came to the regulations
enforced on the women, the management was absolute: you went on
the pole or you were fined £20. You would then be called to the pole
again and if you missed that you would be fined another £20. And so
on.<br><br>


<b>How true did you find the notion of it ‘being easy money’?</b><br><br>

It’s laughable. It is absolutely not easy money.<br><br>

For example on my first night they said I didn’t have the right shoes or
dress and said if I wanted to work then I would have to buy them off
the club. The shoes were £60, the dress was £70 or £10 to rent per
night. I didn’t have the cash but they said I had to have them or I
couldn’t work so I would have to take them immediately and then
work to pay them back.<br><br>

So from my very first night I was in debt to the management and
working to pay off that debt.<br><br>

We also had to pay for our own (over-priced drinks) as well as paying
commission to the house every night which was a minimum of twenty
pounds <i>whether or not you made any money</i>. Some nights it was
possible to actually lose money.<br><br>

There was also the fact that if you as a dancer break the regulations
then you were fined : £20 for being late onto the floor, £20 for wearing
the wrong shoes. £20 for the wrong or dress, £20 for missing your
pole dance. These regulations, unlike the licensing regulations
regarding touching for instance, were enforced strictly.<br><br>

You weren’t allowed to leave early, you got fined if you don’t turn up
at all. It becomes very easy to start losing money.<br><br>

Urban legends surrounded the amount of money it might be possible
to make in the club. In reality no one ever seemed to make that much
money. it’s the only job I’ve ever had where some nights I could end
up paying to be there.<br><br>

<b>Were there problems with drugs and alcohol?</b><br><br>

Getting drunk was considered by many to be the aim of the night as
well as making money. If you had managed to get drunk on other
people’s money then you had done well.<br><br>

I used drugs with at least four or five of my colleagues while I was
there, bought drugs off another, and was pretty regularly given drugs
to use by male customers. I’m talking about cocaine in the most part,
though sometimes we sneaked off upstairs to smoke a spliff if the
night was slow.<br><br>

<b>And prostitution?</b><br><br>

According to the Oxford English Dictionary:<br><br>

The action of prostituting or condition of being prostituted; the
practice or occupation of engaging in sexual activity with someone for
payment.<br><br>

Lap dancing, according to that definition, is prostitution.<br><br><br>

<b><i>empowerment</i></b><br><br>

<b>The industry is presented as empowering for women - would you
agree with this?</b><br>

Absolutely not.<br><br>

My fundamental belief about this, having worked in clubs, is that the
reason why men want to pay for lap dances is not that they are
visually titillated, but rather that paying a woman to take her clothes
off is an act of power.<br><br>

There is something predatory and unhealthy about that desire and
whether or not individuals feel able to control that urge, whether or
not it is natural, these are things of minor consideration when we
consider the state of rape convictions in this country.<br><br>

There is still an horrendous power imbalance between the genders.
Lap dancing clubs feed and breed that power imbalance. Lap dancing
is the opposite of empowering.<br><br>

<b>Performers sometimes appear to paint a very positive picture of the
business. Why do you feel their account differs so much from your
experiences?</b><br><br>

If your whole living depends on your body, on how attractive you are,
then nothing is more embarrassing than admitting you haven’t really
made any money.<br><br>

To the outside world I never admitted that I wasn’t earning that much
cash. I felt that if I admitted I wasn’t earning, it was like saying “no
one wants me”.<br><br>

If you are - or have been - a lap dancer then you have an investment
in believing that it is a worthwhile thing to do and that there is nothing
wrong with it.<br><br>

It’s hard to say : ‘I made a mistake. I betrayed myself. I’m unhappy.’
It’s hard to say : ‘actually some bloke offered me an extra twenty
quid to suck my tits and I said yes because the TV license man came
round and I really need the money’ . It’s hard to say : ‘I get drunk
every night. I need drugs to see me through’. It’s hard to say : ‘I’m
really just hoping to meet a rich man and one day to be rescued’.<br><br>


<b>Men who visit clubs often get the impression that performers are
happy, empowered and have more money than them!</b><br><br>

It is important, within the club, to appear to appear wealthy and
successful. Are any of them really, really making genuine money?
No. I don’t believe they are, and if they are they are the exception to
the rule.<br><br>

Most of the women working in most lap dancing clubs are not high
earners. They are not making more money than they could make
working in a bank or a shop. And there is absolutely no security.<br><br>

And for those who believe it is their true calling, perhaps it is
impossible to see that actually they are genuinely capable of so much
more. That often these women are resourceful, intelligent, funny,
entertaining, creative women, who despite a lack of education could
actually be doing something else. If they can’t see it then there is a
bigger problem to blame. There is a problem within our culture which
is underestimating them and which is leading them to underestimate
themselves.<br><br>

<b>What about it being sexually empowering for women?</b><br><br>

In society, attractive women are perceived as having sexual power.
So women are encouraged to believe that by being employed as a
lap dancer, they are inherently powerful.<br><br>

And as young women we are encouraged to believe that our sexual
power is particularly potent. The emphasis which is placed on our
responsibility to control and contain this sexual power, to guard it, to
be careful with it, implies that it is very great. In fact, many people
believe it to be “the one power women have over men”. It is also
sometimes represented as “the real power”. The myths imply that we
can manipulate or seduce men according to our wishes and that men
are helpless to resist.<br><br>

So if your job, as a lap dancer, revolves around exercising this sexual
“power”, then you may feel as if you are powerful and empowered.<br><br>

But is that real power?<br><br>

<b>Some say strip clubs empowers women to be very provocative in a safe
environment</b><br><br>

If you went to a nightclub, met a man, took him into a private room,
and then danced provocatively for him, took your clothes of for him,
gyrated on his lap and then told him he wasn’t allowed to touch you
or have sex with you, and then he raped you, then you would
probably find it pretty hard to get a conviction.<br><br>

And if you are a young woman then there is a high chance that on the
outside world you will have received your fair share of unwanted
sexual attention and sexual contact from men for which there is little
to no retribution.<br><br>

So the rules of a lap dancing club, where the men know that they are
not supposed to touch and to behave as the rules dictate, and where
there are consequences and resources available to you if he breaks
that boundary, might seem like power.<br><br>

So because you live in a world where it is culturally acceptable for
men to invade your boundaries without ramifications, then being
sexual within the “safety” of a lap dancing club feels relatively
speaking like power.<br><br>

But this comes from a place of powerlessness. From unsafety.<br><br>

<b>So where is the real power?</b><br><br>

The reality is that in the clubs, as in so much of life, the real power
lies where the money is. The men have the money, and therefore the
men have the power.<br><br>

And for me that is a problem because it reflects a cultural reality.
Maybe it wouldn’t matter if there wasn’t inequality of power in our
culture. But I can’t help but feel it’s chicken and egg. Lap dancing
exists because of that inequality, and might not exist without it.<br><br><br>

<b><i>attitudes</i></b><br><br>

<b>Why do you think women aspire to it?</b><br><br>

You get to dress up and look pretty and loads of men tell you that
you’re “gorgeous”. It is affirmation on the most basic level, appealing
to the part of women which to some is most important: <i>our looks</i>.<br><br>

And lap dancers portray themselves as high earning, glamourous
individuals who do what they want when they want. They are well
groomed and well turned out.<br><br>

Most importantly, those who aspire to it genuinely believe that it will
earn them a lot of money. And maybe it can be, but it’s certainly not
guaranteed. There’s no guarantee you’ll earn anything.<br><br>

<b>Why do you think some women do not take issue with strip clubs
when their husbands and boyfriends visit?</b><br><br>

They don’t take issue with it because it is presented as simply
striptease. They have no idea what actually goes on inside the clubs.
If a woman’s boyfriend is off to a strip club then she may feel
pressured not to take issue because she doesn’t want to be
perceived as unliberal or prudish.<br><br>

And she also probably imagines it will simply involve him watching
another woman take her clothes off.<br><br>

Of course if that same woman knew that her boyfriend was actually
going to be allowing a woman to touch him, put her breasts in his
face, show him her vagina while she fingered it, maybe even let him
finger her, put her face in his crotch, gyrated against him until he
came…etc etc. suddenly she might not feel so liberal about it.
Suddenly that might actually feel like infidelity. But women don’t know
what really goes on because not many women go to strip clubs.<br><br>

<b>So what about women who go to strip clubs with their boyfriends for
instance?</b><br><br>

Even if they do, they don’t really get the full picture.<br><br>

As a dancer when you see a man or woman come in together, you
aren’t going to treat them the same as you are a man on his own or a
group of men. You will act according to what you think they want.
So even if your boyfriend took you to a strip club to show you what it
was like, you still probably wouldn’t know what really went on.<br><br>

<b>Is there a double standard applied to the performers at clubs as
opposed to the customers?</b><br><br>

The fact is that lap dancers are not respectable members of society.
I haven’t told anyone at my jobs since working in clubs that I once
worked as a lap dancer. It’s not a job like ‘I was a waitress’
But the men who come into the clubs are ‘respectable’. They are
mostly suits. They have city jobs, engineering jobs, wives, children,
new born babies.<br><br>

Firms take their lads in to make business deals. It’s a night out.
In contrast lap dancers aren’t even on a wage, they are working cash
in hand, they aren’t getting a pension, or perks. They could be fired at
any moment with no employment tribunal. And they – not the men for
whom it exists – are surrounded by a culture of judgement.<br><br><br>

<b><i>the end</i></b><br><br>

<b>Why did you leave in the end?</b><br><br>

I was constantly in trouble for not looking cheerful and for not wearing
the right clothes or shoes. I was tired of daily pube shaving and fake
tanning. It also became increasingly clear that my drinking and drug
problem was out of control. I was not alone in that respect. There was
a high turnover of dancers, and often women would be booted out,
only to be allowed back in again several months later.<br><br>

I didn’t make very much money.<br><br>

It’s competitive, it’s tough, and it’s incredibly tiring.<br><br>

I had started seeing a therapist while I was in the club, and was
beginning to work through some of my problems and realising that I
could do something better with my life.<br><br>

<b>What effect do you feel this work had on you?</b><br><br>

I now realise that lap dancing is one of the hardest things I ever did. I
found it tough, soul destroying and it had begun to strip me of my
humanity. I began to see everyone in terms of how much I could get
out of them. I had begun to really hate men, to be bored in their
company. I stopped caring about people around me because I was
surrounded by this atmosphere of constant mistrust.<br><br><br>See also:<br><br><a href="http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/special-reports/prostitution/">Daily Record Special Report: Prostitution in Scotland</a> (4/28/08)<br>
In the survey of 110 Scots men who buy sex... Almost a third of those had bought sex at a lap dancing club...<br><br><a href="http://www.prostitutionresearch.com/how_prostitution_works/000012.html">Prostitution Research &amp; Education: How Prostitution Works</a><br>Real sexual relationships are not hard to find. There are plenty of adults of both sexes who are willing to have sex if someone treats them well, and asks. But there lies the problem. Some people do not want an equal, sharing relationship. They do not want to be nice. They do not want to ask. They like the power involved in buying a human being who can be made to do almost anything...<br><br>Some people do not want real relationships, or feel entitled to something beyond the real relationships they have. They want to play "super stud and sex slave" or whatever, inside their own heads. If they need to support their fantasies with pictures, video tapes, or real people to abuse, the sex trade is ready to supply them. For a price, they can be "a legend in their own minds."<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/07/08/strip-poker-mens-club-blog-blame-womens-lib-for-strip-clubs.aspx">Strip Poker Men's Club: Women's Lib to Blame for Men's Going to Strip Clubs</a><br>These days for men that are married, come home to an un-kept and
generally empty home, their wife or partner is also out at work and
often returns home later than the average male, pursues the corporate
ladder and excuse the pun, like a bitch on heat. The male picks up the
children from day-care, cooks the meal, does the laundry and patiently
waits for his partner to return and in some sick twist of fate still
somehow falls into to some outdated statistical category that says that
men still do little around the home!<br><br>
Well it didn’t take long for men (married, single or repeatedly
divorced) to realize that they now truly are holding the short end of
the stick.<br><br>

What was man going to do?<br><br>
There is something about the atmosphere of a Strip Club, the way in
which women strut their stuff on stage and not breaking eye contact is
almost an animalistic approach that not only attracts men sexually but
because of the eye contact that most women have mastered to enable to
do their job well, it seems to offer men what they are so desperately
in need off and they haven’t been able to get from today’s modern
woman, “attention”...<br><br>So there you have it, no need to feel guilty, it's one of life's small escapes, the last bastion of the male domain, enjoy it!<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2006/10/16/a-review-of-sherry-lee-short-making-hay-while-the-sun-shines-the-dynamics-of-rural-strip-clubs-in-the-american-upper-midwest-and-the-community-response.aspx">A Review of Sherry Lee Short, "Making hay while the sun shines: The dynamics of rural strip clubs in the American Upper Midwest, and the community response"</a><br>The public debate quickly gets sidetracked into issues of free speech
and "liberated" versus "repressed" values. Those who wish to resist the
sex trade's infiltration of their community find themselves cast as
villains in a morality play that ignores the real power dynamics of the
situation:<br><blockquote>Regardless of the source, the arguments of pro-sex industry advocates
and proponents have a common theme: the industry springs from a liberal
mindset and frees women and men, sexually, politically, and
spiritually. Part of this logic is that sexuality--particularly women's
sexuality--has been oppressed historically and that the sex industry
offers women and men the liberating possibility of unbridled sexual
expression.<br><br>This logic ignores the fact that the use of women in
prostitution as well as other forms of human sexual commodification has
existed for at least as long as there has been a historical record.
Thus, if sexual commodification were freeing, then sexual oppression
would be uncommon or, more likely, exist only as some curious
historical fact...<br><br>Thus, 'liberal' support for the sex industry
is only a mask for the traditional face of prostitution. A sexually
freeing or liberating industry offering unique and new experiences of
choice and revolutionary change for women and children would not be
characterized by bodies being exchanged for money or other payment.
Indeed, the exchange of bodies for money or other payment is a very old
and un-revolutionary practice. Prior to sex industry rhetoric, this was
referred to as bondage, slavery, or indentured servitude. (pp.309-10)</blockquote>
...In Wahpeton, North Dakota, a town of 8,700 people, representatives from the local crisis center testified before the City Council in 1996 that since the opening of the town's second strip club, there had been a 96.6% increase in sexual assault and domestic violence complaints. Victims often reported that the abuse happened after their male partners returned from one of the clubs. (p.316) An increase in crime in the neighborhood, including two extremely violent fights outside the clubs, also aroused public sentiment in favor of regulating the clubs more strictly...<br><br><span class="headline"></span><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2008/04/28/true-freedom-includes-the-freedom-to-say-no-explicit-language.aspx">True Freedom Includes the Freedom to Say No (explicit language)</a><br>True sexual liberation is the ability to say “no, I don’t want to have
sex right now” and have it stick. The sex industry only gives women the
ability to say “yes”. How is that liberating? How is that empowering?...<br><br>A
woman who says “no, I will not be in a relationship with a man who uses
porn or goes to strip clubs” is not seen as exercising her sexual
liberation, she’s seen as a prude who apparently just needs a good
fucking. Apparently “sexual freedom” only means the freedom to have
wild, kinky sex, go to strip clubs, and watch porn, not the freedom to
say “no, I won’t tolerate those abuses of my body and my sense of
self-worth”.<br><br>And it’s THAT power which will really shake the
world up in terms of equality. So of course, that’s the stuff that’s
met the with most violent, nasty resistance.<br><br>


<a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2006/10/29/former-stripper-tells-easthampton-hearing-about-the-life-it-stinks.aspx">Former Stripper Tells Easthampton Hearing about the Life: It Stinks</a><br>
Harrison then told the story of her eight years working in strip bars
in four states, including Massachusetts. Her story, which she said was
not for the "squeamish," included harassment by clients and management
and the prevalence of venereal disease in strip bars.<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/01/12/carolyn-mckenzie-porn-viewing-strippers.aspx">Carolyn McKenzie: Undercover with the Viewing Booths; Disease, Intoxicants Prevalent Among Strip Dancers (explicit language)</a><br>
<br>

<span class="headline"></span><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2008/05/04/lap-dancing-united-kingdom-julie-bindel.aspx">Profitable Exploits: Lap Dancing in the UK</a><br>

A dancer at <i>Legs’ n’ Co</i> said that some of the dancers
suffered from bulimia and/or anorexia, and have low self-esteem. “If
anyone has a tiny bit of cellulite, or is slightly overweight, she is
pulled by management and told to do something about it. That can make
you feel like shit. It’s as if they own our bodies. We’re even told
when to shave our public hair” (GD11). Six women overall across the
four clubs had breast enlargement scars under their arms...<br><br>

Several of the dancers used alcohol in the clubs, and in all of the clubs visited, as aside from <i>The Flying Scotsman</i>,
one or more dancers stated that management encouraged the use of
alcohol, primarily by making it a condition for the dancers to accept
any alcoholic drink customers offered to buy them. Thus, management are
profiting from the dancers’ alcohol use...<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/04/14/testimony-in-massachusetts-my-experiences-with-men-porn-domestic-abuse-explicit.aspx">"Waitressing, I cleaned the floors and I own a box of men's
wedding rings that I found on the floor."</a><br>...I wanted to make enough money to escape these men and, in particular,
the New Bedford area and the life I had led up until now. I went back
to the strip bars to make money. I cannot tell you the lie and the
fantasy that it is for men...<br><br>Because
of these experiences I have been made to feel so inferior that I was
saving and had planned for breast implants. I had dyed my hair blonde
and ruined it at one point. I weighed 86 pounds. I now have severe
emotional and medical issues, revolving around the stress, physical
punishment and trauma I have gone through...<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2006/09/25/the-science-behind-pornography-addiction.aspx">The Science Behind Pornography Addiction (explicit language)</a><br>The terrible work
life of the pornography performer is often followed by an equally
terrible home life. They have an increased risk of sexually transmitted
disease including HIV, domestic violence and have about a 25% chance of
making a marriage that lasts as long as 3 years.<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/02/03/testimony-minneapolis-porn-marriage-death-spiral.aspx">Testimony in Minneapolis: Porn and the Death Spiral of a Marriage</a><br>
About this time, when we went out we started meeting his friends at wet
T-shirt contests, amateur strip nights or elsewhere--we would meet
together as a group--or pornographic adult theaters or live sex shows.
Initially I started arguing that the women on stage looked very
devastated, like they were disgusted and hated it. I felt devastated
and disgusted watching it. I was told by those men, if I wasn't as
smart as I was, and if I would be more sexually liberated and more
sexy, that I would get along a lot better in the world, and that they
and a lot of other men would like me more...<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/07/08/strip-club-tips-fantasies-lies-exploitation-despair.aspx">Strip Club Tips: How to Savor an Exquisite Blend of Fantasies, Lies, Exploitation and Despair (explicit language)</a><br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/06/30/strip-clubs-next-hot-thing-on-wall-street-peter-siris-tells-barrons.aspx">Strip Clubs: Dancers Pay to Work There</a><br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2008/01/22/msnbc-us-sex-trafficking-prostitution-valley-advocate-sex-ads.aspx">MSNBC
Investigates Human Trafficking and Prostitution in the US; Valley
Advocate Advertises "Foreign Fantasies" Where "Everything Goes"</a><br>]]></content>
	</entry>
	<entry>
		<title>Profitable Exploits: Lap Dancing in the UK</title>
		<link rel="alternate" href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2008/05/04/lap-dancing-united-kingdom-julie-bindel.aspx" />
		<id>tag:nopornnorthampton.org,2008-05-04:3e607659-1120-4828-aade-0a6581bed17f</id>
		<author>
			<name>NPNAdmin</name>
		</author>
		<category term="Feminist Perspective" />
		<category term="Secondary Effects" />
		<category term="Ordinances and Regulations" />
		<category term="Strip Clubs" />
		<category term="Prostitution" />
		<updated>2008-05-05T10:29:09Z</updated>
		<published>2008-05-04T19:19:00Z</published>
		<content type="html"><![CDATA[Julie Bindel of the Child and Woman Abuse Studies Unit, London Metropolitan University, prepared this report on strip clubs in 2004 for the Glasgow City Council. Beyond the impact on the direct participants, the passages below suggest that strip clubs have <a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/categories/Secondary%20Effects.aspx">"secondary effects"</a> on their surroundings (e.g. blight, harassment). Club management typically maintains that their dancers are independent contractors, yet exercises a high degree of control over how and when they work. Porn is deployed as advertising. Download the full 64-page report <a href="http://www.rapecrisisscotland.org.uk/documents/profitable%20exploits.pdf">here</a> (PDF).<br><blockquote>

<font size="5"><b><a href="http://www.rapecrisisscotland.org.uk/documents/profitable%20exploits.pdf">Profitable Exploits: Lap Dancing in the UK</a></b></font><br><br>

...Four clubs in Glasgow and two in London were visited in order to observe and interview dancers, customers and staff...<br><br>

Twenty dancers and fifteen customers were interviewed in the six clubs visited.<br><br>

Public opinion was polled in Glasgow and London. Club owners, police officers, women’s groups, journalists and licensing officials were also interviewed...<br><br>

Clubs have managed to gain a certain air of respectability, partly due to endorsements from a string of celebrities, including Robbie Williams and Sophie Dahl. The National Westminster bank has a corporate account with a lap dance club, as do other city firms in London (Eaves Housing, 2003)...<br><br>

<b>What is Lap Dancing?</b><br>A variety of dances are offered in lap-dance clubs and are performed both in the main areas and, in the majority of venues, in a more private area that is often curtained off. ‘Pole dancing’ refers to a ‘cabaret’ performance in the main club area and is the element most commonly used in TV and film representation. ‘Table dancing’ is performed near the customer’s seat, with the dancer’s breasts eye level to the customer. ‘Couch dancing’ entails the dancer standing over a customer sat on a couch, hanging her breasts over him. The US version of ‘lap dancing’ requires the woman to straddle the man’s lap and grind or brush against him. A variation involves the woman dancing between the customer’s legs while sliding down in the chair so that her thighs are rubbing the customer’s genitals as she moves. This is also known in the US as ‘friction dancing’ (Frank, 2003)...<br><br>

In the UK, pole dancing is becoming popular amongst some female celebrities as a form of exercise. Daryl Hannah, Heather Graham and Kate Moss are all apparently taking pole-dancing lessons, and Sarah Cox and Zoë Ball have had their own poles installed at home[18]...<br><br>

Gantt (2002) describes the relationship between dancer and customer as a form of ‘counterfeit intimacy’, and focuses on how dancers create an illusion of being attracted to the customers in order to gain advantage of them, both financially and behaviourally...<br><br>

A report by the Lillith Project (2002) focused on seven lap-dance clubs in the London borough of Camden. It concludes that the existence of lap-dancing clubs has a negative effect on the community, that areas where lap-dance clubs operate have become ‘no-go’ for women who feel uncomfortable walking by, and that men have been harassed by personnel offering them sexual services[24]...<br><br>

During another tribunal hearing lost by <i>Spearmint Rhino</i>, a former manager at the chain, Lee Freer, claimed he saw a pole dancer perform oral sex on a co-owner of the club, in a private booth. The former manager said sexual relationships between bosses at <i>Spearmint Rhino</i> branches and the lap dancers were commonplace, as was the sale and consumption of illegal drugs[30]...<br><br>

In 1997, three Lithuanian women were deported after being trafficked into the UK to work in an Edinburgh lap-dancing club[32]...<br><br>

All clubs promised ‘luxury’ in their advertising, and appealed to potential clientele as a ‘better class’ of person than those who frequent strip clubs, for example, by using the term ‘gentlemen’s club’...<br><br>

Several of the dancers reported that they were sent text messages by the ‘management’ on the days they were needed to work. One dancer noted (GD2) that this meant she could not arrange other work, either in clubs or elsewhere. All dancers interviewed paid money to the owners in order to rent a space to dance; the amount varied across the clubs. Although the women are self-employed, they are required to perform pole and cabaret dances in the main club area at the request of management...<br><br>

There is also evidence of negligent security from former staff members. In 2003, a former security chief at the <i>Spearmint Rhino</i> club in Uxbridge, West London, Johnny Singh, gave evidence at a tribunal stating that management at the club took the attitude that:<br><blockquote>

Anything went as long as it made money…bosses turned a blind eye to girls fondling each other on stage, groping men and committing sex acts. During my time there, I saw constant drug abuse, prostitution and sexual misconduct. I couldn't do anything to stop it.[39]</blockquote>

Club management tend to place responsibility for the breaking of house rules solely on the dancers...<br><br>

The private dance is the only legitimate way for the dancers to make money in the clubs. The intermittent ‘cabaret’, and individual pole dances by selected dancers that take place in the main club area, serve only to advertise the dancers and entertain customers. The dancers are not paid for these activities... There is no guarantee, even on busy nights, that the dancers will earn enough to cover their costs, let alone generate income...<br><br>

None of the dancers interviewed in the Glasgow clubs were satisfied with their working conditions... There were no water coolers or fridges in which to keep drinks, even though this is a condition of the license for <i>Seventh Heaven</i>, <i>Diamond Dolls</i> and <i>The Truffle Club</i>. As a result, the dancers have to purchase drinks from the bar at full price...<br><br>

All dancers in lap-dance clubs are self-employed, relying on tips and income from private dances. Dancers pay between £35 and £100 per night to the club management for ‘rent’ of the facilities[40], such as the poles, cabaret areas, private dance booths and VIP suites. Weekend rates are higher... All of the women interviewed reported that they had often lost money by working at the club when their earnings failed to cover rent, clothing, travel, drinks and childcare. Some club owners allow debt to accumulate, which can leave the dancers desperate to ‘catch up’...<br><br>

In addition to daily expenses, dancers at the four Glasgow clubs, and <i>Spearmint Rhino</i>, London, are advised to purchase specialist clothing from an individual visiting the club who runs her own business[41]. In at least one club, the women are explicitly told that they should not buy clothes from anywhere else or make their own, in case they do not fit the ‘house style’. Most clubs also specify particular shoes that several of the women refer to as ‘porn shoes’. They are tall platforms with spiked heels that are apparently ‘very uncomfortable’ to dance in...<br><br>

Two of the dancers stated that management regularly chose their outfits, and that they were given no choice about wearing them. “I have two children, who I have to support by doing this. I feel really yucky prancing around in a school uniform, because I feel I’m encouraging perverts who come to the club to abuse children”...<br><br>

All club owners denied that the lap dancing business was part of the sex industry, but all, without exception, accused other club owners of running disreputable clubs offering sexual services. Their own clubs, in contrast, were seen as part of the leisure industry...<br><br>

Two of the ‘students’ also did ‘glamour modelling’ and said there were other dancers who did this. GD5 explained that the club owners encouraged the women to model for ‘adult’ publications, as it is good for business. “If my picture is in the <i>Sunday Sport</i> and it says I work at a certain club, the men who like the look of me might decide to come and see me in the flesh. Therefore, the club only allows you to do it if you can guarantee mentioning the club”...<br><br>

One woman talked about being “pressurised” into glamour modelling by management. She also spoke of “some of the girls” being upset at discovering that photographs of them had been used to advertise the club without their knowledge or consent (GD15). There was also evidence of some customers having used their mobile telephone cameras to take pictures of the women whilst naked...<br><br>

A dancer at <i>Legs’ n’ Co</i> said that some of the dancers suffered from bulimia and/or anorexia, and have low self-esteem. “If anyone has a tiny bit of cellulite, or is slightly overweight, she is pulled by management and told to do something about it. That can make you feel like shit. It’s as if they own our bodies. We’re even told when to shave our public hair” (GD11). Six women overall across the four clubs had breast enlargement scars under their arms.<br><br>

One woman admitted there was some drug use among the dancers. “Not here, but other in clubs I worked in, some of the women would be using cocaine or amphetamines, either to keep their weight down, or keep awake during the night shift I suppose” (GD11)...<br><br>

All three women at <i>Spearmint Rhino</i> identified having to “massage men’s ego’s all evening” (LD3) as the hardest part of the job. One dancer explained:<br><blockquote>

The dancing, and even taking your clothes off, is easy. You just cut off and become someone else. But having to plaster a smile on your face, and pretend the men are fascinating is exhausting sometimes (LD1)...</blockquote>

Several of the dancers used alcohol in the clubs, and in all of the clubs visited, as aside from <i>The Flying Scotsman</i>, one or more dancers stated that management encouraged the use of alcohol, primarily by making it a condition for the dancers to accept any alcoholic drink customers offered to buy them. Thus, management are profiting from the dancers’ alcohol use...<br><br>

The dancers interviewed all expressed ambivalence towards the customers... Common complaints included:<ul>
<li>Drunkenness</li>
<li>Heckling during cabaret shows</li>
<li>Trying to grab the women during private dances</li>
<li>Asking for sexual services</li>
<li>Touching their own genitals</li>
<li>Trying to barter down prices for private dances</li>
</ul>

...This study has revealed the complex process and set of conditions in which dancers become more susceptible to requests or suggestions to sell sex. The lack of employment rights, for some women the experience of accumulating debt, expectations of the customers, fierce competition, and a link in public perceptions between lap dancer and stripper/prostitute, create an overall climate where the selling and buying of sex on the premises becomes more likely...<br><br>

One customer said that:<br><blockquote>
Now that the police are clamping down on kerb crawlers it’s easier to come in here and pick up a bird. Some of them used to work the Cross, but come here now, because it’s the same punters. Everyone knows you can get one here (LC4)...</blockquote>

Approximately half of the customers in Glasgow came to the club looking for sex. Four of the regular visitors claimed they had had sex with a dancer on the premises...<br><br>

In order to gain a ‘snapshot’ sense of public opinion, a total of 20 individuals were polled outside three lap-dance clubs: <i>Seventh Heaven</i> and <i>The Truffle Club</i> in Glasgow, and <i>Spearmint Rhino</i>[57], London. Three-quarters (n=15) said they would rather not work or live in an area near a lap-dancing club. A range of reasons were given, including: “I do not want to see scantily clad girls on my way home”; “I think it is demeaning to women”; and “I do not want stag nights taking over the town centre”...<br><br>

All those polled near <i>Seventh Heaven</i> were negative about the club’s presence. One respondent said that customers leaving the premises had propositioned his partner outside it. Another had observed a bouncer having a ‘fierce row’ with a customer outside the club...<br><br>

One woman questioned worked in a restaurant near <i>Spearmint Rhino</i> until approximately 1am five nights a week. She walked past the club on her journey home, and said:<br><blockquote>

I always feel intimidated by the club and the customers coming in and out. I have been insulted by them, and even the bouncers sometimes. The men in groups are the worst. One of the young waitresses was flashed at by a stag group (LP5).</blockquote>

Another respondent lived in the block of flats above <i>Spearmint Rhino</i>.<br><blockquote>

I would not have bought the flat if I had realised the level of disruption the club would cause. The noise is unbearable (LP2)...</blockquote>

In May 2003, Glasgow CoC conducted a snapshot survey of fifty-two city centre businesses and found that three-quarters (n=39) believed that lap-dancing clubs would damage the reputation of the city. The survey also showed that almost half (n=19) of respondents were concerned about the safety of their staff in the vicinity of the clubs.<br><br>

In a press release marking the publication of the survey, CoC chief executive stated: “The results of this survey bear out my initial opinion that such businesses could be counter-productive to the image of the entire city centre.[58]” The current Policy Manager at the CoC noted: “Businesses in Glasgow do not want lap dancing clubs in their city. They attract the wrong kind of business, and keep the right kind away” (Interview, May 2004)...<br><br>

The Women’s Support Project (WSP) said it is regularly contacted by members of the public concerned about the effect the clubs are having on their city. The coordinator explained:<br><blockquote>

Women avoid the areas where the clubs are. There’s a very popular pub near one of them that my friends and me used to go to regularly, but since the club opened I haven’t been back since. There are tales of groups of drunken men who are all fired up to sexually humiliate women, so we don’t want to bear the brunt of it.” WSP also have anecdotal evidence of women being moved around the country to work in different clubs, in order to fill spaces created by the transient nature of the business (Interview, May 2004)...</blockquote>

...club owners tend to absolve themselves of any responsibility if sexual services are found to be on occurring or being arranged on the premises, yet at the same time there is some indication that they encourage the dancers to project an air of sexual availability to customers. By making it difficult for the dancers to earn an adequate living legitimately, through requiring the payment of ‘rent’ for each shift worked in the clubs, and by hiring excess numbers of dancers at any one time, club owners and managers also create a series of structural conditions that can lead some dancers to offer sexual services in order to survive financially. This is not to say that there is evidence of significant numbers of dancers engaging in prostitution activities, but that the clubs are run in a way that both implicitly encourages the customers to seek sexual services from the dancers, and means that some dancers will offer them...<br><br>

The requirement for dancers to ‘glamour model’ to advertise the club, and the evidence that some customers take covert photographs of the dancers whilst naked, suggests links between lap-dancing clubs and pornography...<br><br>
</blockquote><br>

See also:<br><br>

<a href="http://www.glasgow.gov.uk/NR/rdonlyres/0D19236F-808A-4467-96F7-6A9508C1F312/0/legtablic2.pdf">Glasgow City Council report on the need for review of licensing legislation in the light of concerns re table dancing</a> (PDF)<br>

In the study ‘Stripclubs According to Strippers: Exposing Workplace Sexual Violence’ by Kelly Holsopple [<a href="http://www.uri.edu/artsci/wms/hughes/stripc1.htm">link</a>] published in 1998 (Appendix 1) it is noted that ‘100% of the eighteen women in the survey report being physically abused in the strip club. The physical abuse ranged from three to fifteen times with a mean of 7.7 occurrences over their involvement in stripping. 100% of the eighteen women in this study report sexual abuse in the strip club. The sexual abuse ranged from two to nine occurrences with a mean of 4.4 occurrences over the course of their involvement in stripping. 100% of the women report verbal harassment in the strip club. The verbal abuse ranged from one to seven occurrences with a mean of 4.8 occurrences over the course of their involvement in stripping...<br><br>

Cities in countries such as Australia and USA are now seeing the impact of having loosened all regulation regarding sex industry activities. Women are being excluded from corporate functions held at table dancing venues and equality at work is seen to be under under threat. The acceptance of table dancing “is already placing an obstacle in the path of women’s equal opportunities in Melbourne. Tabletop clubs, unlike brothels, are licensed for the sale of alcohol, and offer better opportunities for men to socialise with each other. Two clubs in Melbourne are now competing with each other to attract businessmen to have lunch and hold meetings on their premises.” [ii]<br><br><a href="http://www.amnesty.org.uk/content.asp?CategoryID=11027">Amnesty International UK: "Lapdancing is just girls having fun and being sexy, isn't it?"</a><br>In a study by the Lilith project for the Borough of Camden in 2002-3, where several lap-dance clubs were operating, the female rape rate was three times the national average and had increased by 50% across the year. Indecent assault increased by 58%. The director for Environmental Health in the Camden Borough said that some streets had turned into "a no-go area for female shoppers and male passers-by'.<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/06/30/strip-clubs-next-hot-thing-on-wall-street-peter-siris-tells-barrons.aspx">Strip Clubs: Dancers Pay to Work There</a><br>
...the girls who work there, the dancers...pay $150 to $200 a shift for
the privilege of working... I asked one guy in the business, "What's
the biggest risk to your business model?" He said if the
government stops immigration from Eastern Europe.<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2008/01/22/msnbc-us-sex-trafficking-prostitution-valley-advocate-sex-ads.aspx">MSNBC Investigates Human Trafficking and Prostitution in the US; Valley Advocate Advertises "Foreign Fantasies" Where "Everything Goes"</a><br>2 years ago a 20-year-old university student [Katya] signed up with a
friend to study English abroad in a program that involved waitressing
in Virginia Beach, but the girls would never reach Virginia. And they
wouldn't be waitresses...<br><br>...they were told that, you know what?
Plans have changed. You're going to be going to Detroit. You need to
get on this bus... They didn't even know where Detroit was. They didn't
speak much of the language...<br><br>[Katya:] They brought us clothes.
It was strip clothes and shoes. And they say, you guys gonna work at
the club named Cheetah. And you guys gonna work Monday to Saturday,
double-shift, 2:00 A.M. to 2:00 P.M...<br><br>[Katya:] I was threatened
every single day. When we go, go into work, in the car, he was telling
us, you're gonna have to make 1,000 a day. If you're not making this
money, we'll find a way when you can make this money. That was really
scary too. He was telling us that he can sell us to any country, to any
person any time...<br><br>[Katya:] Almost every girl who I knew was sexually abused, raped...<br><br>The 12 hour shifts yielded up to $1000 a night but the women saw none of it...<br><br>[Katya:] I was even thinking about suicide many times because I didn't have a choice to get out...<br><br>[Katya:]
Alex’s father, he knows my mom. He knows where she lives [in the
Ukraine]. And he visited a couple of times after I ran away. He
threatened her. He used very aggressive words. He said, if I will not
stop talking, that will blood come out from me...<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/04/14/testimony-in-massachusetts-my-experiences-with-men-porn-domestic-abuse-explicit.aspx">"Waitressing, I cleaned the floors and I own a box of men's
wedding rings that I found on the floor."</a><br>...I went back
to the strip bars to make money. I cannot tell you the lie and the
fantasy that it is for men. Waitressing, I cleaned the floors and I own
a box of men's wedding rings that I found on the floor...<br><br>The
degradation and inferiority and humiliation of being presented as two
tits and a hole for entertainment was not as bad as the sexual
harassment I received from the management of these places. Customers
are not allowed to touch you, but management can and does. You cannot
complain to the Labor Board because they say you put yourself there
willingly, and usually it's under the table. I felt worthless, but I
need enough money to move and complete college and get a degree.<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/07/08/strip-club-tips-fantasies-lies-exploitation-despair.aspx">Strip Club Tips: How to Savor an Exquisite Blend of Fantasies, Lies, Exploitation and Despair (explicit language)</a><br>...we present a selection from <a href="http://www.ofuzi.com/2007/03/16/37-stripper-rants/">37 Stripper Rants</a>, as posted in March to gripe site Ofuzi...<br><blockquote><p>4) Don’t pull my thong up during a dance and ask me if it felt good. IT DOES NOT FEEL GOOD.</p><p>6) No I will not just let you “slip it in real quick” for $50 more bucks.</p><p>7) Yeah, my tits are real. As real as my affection for you...</p><p>9) Stop asking me out. You’re a smelly, fat loser and the only
reason I’m smiling and cooing at you is because I want your money.
Outside of the club I wouldn’t even fart your way.</p><p>12) Don’t bitch at me about the $10 non-alcoholic beer either. Hide
a bottle of Jack in your coat pocket next time like everyone else does.</p><p>13) My horniness is in direct proportion to your income...</p><p>19) SHOWER FIRST, you nasty fuck!</p><p>20) I had a feeling you weren’t going to tip me, so I took extra
care to rub my lip gloss on your collar and wear extra glitter lotion
and obnoxious perfume before our dance.</p><p>22)
Stop asking me why I do this job and try to get all psychologically
analytical on me. For the money, you moron, that’s why...</p>24) NO, I will not take a dime sac for payment. I can tell it’s oregano anyway you stupid motherfucker!...<p></p><p>31) Girls–what’s with the pole smell? Can we do a little hygiene
check? Nothing than worse than twirling around the pole and getting a
whiff of stale pussy...</p></blockquote><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2006/10/29/former-stripper-tells-easthampton-hearing-about-the-life-it-stinks.aspx">Former Stripper Tells Easthampton Hearing about the Life: It Stinks</a><br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/05/27/adult-businesses-crime-disorder-secondary-effects.aspx">The Evidence of Relationships Between Adult-Oriented Businesses and Community Crime and
Disorder</a> <br>We, at the police department, have been requested to gather research
relating to evidence of the relationship between crime (including
disorder) and adult-oriented businesses, if any. This phenomenon is
also sometimes known as a pernicious secondary effect of adult-oriented
businesses...<br><blockquote>
<a href="http://www.communitydefense.org/cdcdocs/landuse/html/aztucson.html">A Study of Crime and Adult Entertainment, Police Department
Memorandum, City of Tucson, Arizona, (May 11, 1990)</a>:<br><br>

[A Caveat: If you
are not accustomed to criminal justice studies of explicit alternative and criminal sexual
behavior, please approach the parent study document with caution.]<br><br>

In sum, a covert
observational study. Investigating officers found that many of employees of the
adult-oriented businesses were prostitutes who were offering private shows where
customers could, for a price, observe them performing live sex acts. For “the right
price” customers would be allowed to “touch the dancers.” Undercover operatives
also learned that customers could hire the dancers to engage in acts of prostitution,
and in some instances, these acts actually occurred on the premises with the
knowledge of the management. Underage females were also being hired to dance
nude. The report also confirmed many health-related perspectives: Adult
entertainment establishments provide an environment and atmosphere that is
conducive to high risk sexual behaviors and practices with respect to sexually
transmitted diseases (HIV and hepatitis B included).</blockquote>

<a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/07/03/daytona-florida-adult-zoning-public-nudity-ordinances-upheld-no-grandfathering-rebutting-daniel-linz.aspx">US
Appeals Court Upholds Daytona Zoning and Public Nudity Ordinances; No
Grandfathering for Lollipop's Gentlemen's Club; Rebutting Daniel Linz</a><br>The Ordinance sets forth the following findings: “The appearance of persons in
the nude in public places . . . increases incidents of lewd and lascivious behavior,
prostitution, sexual assaults and batteries, attracts other criminal activity to the
community, encourages degradation of women, and facilitates other activities
which break down family structures and values...”<br>

<br>Langston testified that live nude and seminude entertainment
businesses “promote and perpetuate urban decay” and that “adult businesses have
impacted on crime in the area surrounding Daytona Beach.” <u>Id.</u> at 547. Smith, who
as an assistant state attorney had prosecuted drug and prostitution offenses in
Daytona Beach, concurred that “there were more drug and prostitution offenses in
topless bars than in other bars.” <u>Id.</u> at 548.<br><br>
The City also relied on several controlled studies conducted by Dr.
William
George about the relationship between drinking alcohol and sexual
conduct. Thus,
for example, one study found that exposure to erotica led male subjects
to drink
more alcohol than did exposure to non-erotic materials.[27] Another
study found that
young men who believed they had consumed alcohol -- regardless of
whether they
had in fact done so -- displayed greater interest in viewing violent
and/or erotic
images and reported increased sexual arousal than young men who
believed they
had not consumed alcohol.[28] Still another study found that study
participants perceived a woman they believed had consumed alcohol as
being “significantly
more aggressive, impaired, sexually available, and as significantly
more likely to
engage in foreplay and intercourse” than a woman whom study
participants
believed had not consumed alcohol.[29]<br><br>

<b>Footnote 34 from the <a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/07/03/files/28534-27078/Daytona_Grand_Inc__v__City_of_Daytona_Beach_____F_3d_____(11th_Cir__June_28_2007).pdf">PDF</a> of the court's opinion:</b> In addition to crimes against persons, crimes against property, and sex crimes, the
study that focused on Ordinance 81-334 also analyzed “miscellaneous incidents that share in
common that they involve violations of social norms . . . ., includ[ing] drunkenness, disorderly
conduct, drug offenses, liquor law violations, and weapons complaints.” (Experts’ Report 27.)
The study found a statistically significant increase in these so-called “norm violations” in areas
with adult theaters compared to control areas, (<u>id.</u> at 33-34), which could be read to support part
of the City’s rationale for Ordinance 81-334. <u>See</u> Ordinance 81-334 § 2 (seeking to reduce
“undesirable behavior” and “dangers to the health, safety and welfare of the public”). Similarly,
the study that focused on Ordinance 02-496 found a statistically significant increase in drug
related offenses in areas with adult theaters compared to control areas. (Experts’ Report 80, 105
tbl.10.)<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/06/05/secondary-effects-motivate-cities-to-regulate-the-location-of-adult-entertainment-uses.aspx">Crime, Nuisances Motivate Cities to Regulate the Location of Adult Entertainment Uses</a><br>...The City of Kent, Washington had similar experiences with the Roadside
Inn Tavern. Prior to its forced closing, the Roadside Inn offered
topless dancing and table dancing in conjunction with its selling of
alcoholic beverages. Kent police investigations conducted in the summer
of 1981 revealed a very high incidence of criminal activity at the
Roadside, related primarily to sex crimes (prostitution) and drug
related offenses. As a result of 57 hours of on-premise investigation,
162 charges were brought against 21 persons by the Kent Police
Department. The report filed by the police stated: "The total time
involved, and the number of charges, break down to a time expenditure
of slightly more than 20 minutes per charge, attesting to the relative
ease by which the subject of prostitution arises within an environment
such as the Roadside." In September, 1981, the Roadside Inn Tavern was
closed by the City of Kent.<br><br><span style="font-weight: bold;">Seattle, WA, 1989</span><br>Seattle had eight such dance halls (termed "adult cabarets"), six established since 1987...<br><br>The
increased number of cabarets resulted in citizen complaints, including
phone calls, letters (from individuals and merchant associations) and
several petitions with hundreds of signatures. Protests cited decreased
property values; increased insurance rates; fears of burglary,
vandalism, rape, assaults, drugs and prostitution; and overall
neighborhood deterioration. The report noted that patrons of these
cabarets most often are not residents of nearby neighborhoods. Without
community identity, behavior is less inhibited. Increased police calls
to a business, sirens and traffic hazards from police and emergency
vehicles are not conducive to healthy business and residential
environments.<br><br><a href="http://www.communitydefense.org/cdcdocs/landuse/pdf/garome.pdf">Report to the Rome City Commission--Adult Entertainment, Police Department, City of Rome, Georgia, (March 6, 1995)</a> (PDF)<br>This
report includes crime data from the city of La Grange, Georgia...
Located in that small suburb of Atlanta, is a three-year-old “adult
nightclub.” In just one year (1994) that single adult-oriented
nightclub generated 141 calls-for-service, with thirty-five of those
calls being criminal in nature. Those crimes included such violent
crimes as: eight criminal batteries and eight aggravated assaults
(knives, baseball bats, and firearms with shots fired). The report also
includes many of the other municipal studies articulated elsewhere in
this digest.<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/07/08/springfield-republican-article-strip-clubs-and-mafia.aspx">Springfield Republican Reports on Strip Clubs and the Mafia</a> (7/8/07)<br>Soon after the meeting, reputed members of the Genovese
faction began commuting here from New York each weekend to
stake out clubs, estimate head counts and skim door profits,
the affidavit states...<br><br>"The individual stated that the owners of these
businesses do not want to pay Bruno, but that Bruno was
pressuring them to pay this money through intimidation of
organized crime," the source reported. The affidavit
identifies the alleged payers as the Mardis Gras on Taylor
Street, Teddy B's strip club on Worthington Street, two
other unnamed strip clubs and the Red Rose restaurant on
Main Street.<br><br>
Any establishment collecting a cover charge had to hand
over $1 per patron to Bruno and the visitors from New York,
the source tells police...<br><br>...Bruno's
plan was to get the strip clubs in line and move on to other
city businesses, according to the police source cited in the
document...<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/09/25/gazette-castaway-lounge-strip-club-carjacking-whately-ma.aspx">Gazette: "Strip club ouster ends with carjacking"</a> (9/25/07)<br>When adult enterprises bring crime and blight to their environs, this is called <a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/categories/Secondary%20Effects.aspx">secondary effects</a>. Castaway Lounge, a strip club in Whately, just added to our region's experience with secondary effects on Friday...<br><br>In this incident, we notice themes that have appeared in other reports
on secondary effects: rowdy patrons, patrons who don't live in the
community, and impacts on&nbsp;innocent bystanders.<br><br>When secondary
effects reach a certain threshold, citizens can make a case to their
local officials that the enterprise in question should have its <a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/02/03/activist-roundup-indiana-feminists-block-girls-gone-wild-berlin-resident-fights-strip-club-liquor-license-kemmling.aspx">liquor license revoked</a> or be shut down as a public nuisance.<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2006/09/25/the-science-behind-pornography-addiction.aspx">The Science Behind Pornography Addiction (explicit language)</a><br>[Performers in the sex industry] have high rates of substance abuse,
typically alcohol and cocaine, depression, borderline personality
disorder which is a particularly serious disorder and dissociative
identity disorder which used to be called multiple personality
disorder. The experience I find most common among the performers is
that they have to be drunk, high or dissociated in order to go to work.
Their work environment is particularly toxic. One study on strippers
indicated that they were likely to be punched, slapped, grabbed, called
cunt and whore and to be followed home or stalked. Not surprisingly,
these women often work with bodyguards. This live form of pornography
causes violence and the customers receiving these Permission-Giving
Beliefs become carriers of these beliefs back to their homes, onto
their jobs, into the street, onto the school yard. There they encounter
women and children who do not have bodyguards.<br><br>The terrible work
life of the pornography performer is often followed by an equally
terrible home life. They have an increased risk of sexually transmitted
disease including HIV, domestic violence and have about a 25% chance of
making a marriage that lasts as long as 3 years.<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/01/12/carolyn-mckenzie-porn-viewing-strippers.aspx">Carolyn McKenzie: Undercover with the Viewing Booths; Disease, Intoxicants Prevalent Among Strip Dancers (explicit language)</a><br>I've had wives call me and say, "I'm reading the credit card bill, and
there's all these strange expenses on it, places I've never heard of."
Well, those places are the cover organizations for the clubs, or the
massage parlors, or lingerie services that their husbands have been
frequenting. The next question I get is, "Well do you think I need to
get a physical check-up?" And I say, "Yes, you do." I can't tell you
how many of them call me back and say they have turned up positive for
an STD. I also want to tell you about these 39 women that we have
helped to get out of the industry. Out of that number of 39 women, only
6% were married. 90% were single moms trying to support their kids...
75% of them had STD's when we took them in for their medical check-ups.
16% had felony records that they were working with and 25% had
misdemeanors. 95% of them were using drugs and alcohol, and three of
them had addictions so severe that we had to put them in long term
rehab programs.<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/02/03/testimony-minneapolis-porn-marriage-death-spiral.aspx">Testimony in Minneapolis: Porn and the Death Spiral of a Marriage</a><br>
About this time, when we went out we started meeting his friends at wet
T-shirt contests, amateur strip nights or elsewhere--we would meet
together as a group--or pornographic adult theaters or live sex shows.
Initially I started arguing that the women on stage looked very
devastated, like they were disgusted and hated it. I felt devastated
and disgusted watching it. I was told by those men, if I wasn't as
smart as I was, and if I would be more sexually liberated and more
sexy, that I would get along a lot better in the world, and that they
and a lot of other men would like me more...<br><br><img src="http://app.onlinequickblog.com/images/28534-27078/BOMBEDCO_cocktails_barebacking.jpg"><br><br>]]></content>
	</entry>
	<entry>
		<title>Through the Flame: "Life with a Porn Addict"</title>
		<link rel="alternate" href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2008/04/29/through-the-flame-porn-addict-spouse.aspx" />
		<id>tag:nopornnorthampton.org,2008-04-29:633fa100-9d7f-4480-b1ad-dfa70ef4e0d7</id>
		<author>
			<name>NPNAdmin</name>
		</author>
		<category term="Impact of Porn" />
		<category term="Marriage" />
		<category term="Porn Addiction" />
		<category term="What You Can Do" />
		<updated>2008-04-29T11:15:38Z</updated>
		<published>2008-04-29T10:53:00Z</published>
		<content type="html"><![CDATA[<span style="font-style: italic;">We are pleased to republish this post from a forum at </span><a style="font-style: italic;" href="http://www.throughtheflame.org/forum/new-member-welcome-area/473-life-pa-dark-side-moon.html">ThroughtheFlame.org</a><span style="font-style: italic;">. While this is a fictional account, it conveys the impact of porn addiction on spouses all too well...</span><br><br><font style="font-weight: bold;" size="3"><a href="http://www.throughtheflame.org/forum/new-member-welcome-area/473-life-pa-dark-side-moon.html">Life with a PA – the Dark Side of the Moon</a></font><br> <font size="2"><i>A short(ish) fictional journey with the spouse of a PA<br>
By FairyG</i></font><br> <br>
We’ve just had yet another argument over his use of porn, and I don’t
know what to do. I feel like I’m going insane with so many conflicting
thoughts and emotions inside my head: anger, betrayal, love,
compassion, self-loathing, fear, misery… will I lose my mind first, or
my relationship? Why am I not good enough for him? How do I get him to
hear me? How can he keep betraying me and not caring? <br> <br>
I’ve tried to tell him so many times how I feel about it, hoping he
might do something to change. How many arguments have we had about
this? I’ve lost count. I’ve cried more tears over it than I have
anything or anyone else in my lifetime. Each time, he is obviously
upset over my tears, and each time he “promises” to change…but he
doesn’t for very long. <br> <br>
I thought he had really got rid of it last time. He seemed ok, he
seemed to be making an effort. But I was wrong. I trusted him – and he
betrayed me.<br> <br>
I never thought I was that ugly, that I was undesirable, but I guess I
must be – all he wants to look at is women who don’t look anything like
me. He says he likes small chests, but that’s not what I see him
looking at. He says he likes my figure, but the women he looks at don’t
have figures like mine. He says “I married you, didn’t I?”. Yeah, he
married me…but he doesn’t want me. Not that he says that, but that’s
the message I get loud and clear: I’m just useful when he can’t have
porn. I’m boring, imperfect, not good enough. The women he sees in
movies and pictures are all much more beautiful than me with their
perfect bodies. They do things I detest. They’re horrid, vile people,
and I hate them all…but they look and act so perfect. I used to think
if I looked more like them, maybe he’d like me instead. But now I’m not
so sure. I’ve tried the skimpy underwear, I’ve tried being more
adventurous in bed, I’ve tried positions that would make a yoga
instructor wince – but he still doesn’t want me. Maybe if I get a boob
job and liposuction…but I’m scared to do that, because what if he still
doesn’t want me? Then I’ll know it’s really “just me” that’s all wrong,
that I really am just a worthless person in his eyes. He says he loves
me, but how do I believe that?<br> <br>
I found out this time because I had to use his computer: ignorance may
have been bliss. But I saw some of the stuff that he’d saved: <i>saved</i>
– all since I thought he had made an effort to get rid of it. And the
urls that flashed up while I was typing in the website address I wanted
to go to didn’t look very tame either. So I checked his internet
history – and things looked pretty much the same as they always did
before he cleared his bookmarks (which are back again too) and “made an
effort” – what gives?! Was this a one-off slip I was seeing the results
of? Didn’t look like it. So, he was lying to me when he said he was
making an effort. He’s getting more into it. Perhaps he did try for a
while, but not any more. Is his relationship with the images (and
people?!?!?!) online more important to him than his relationship with
his wife and family in reality? Is there any point in me going on (and
on!)? Does he even care about my feelings in this affair? Or is it all
about his affairs with porn? This behaviour is completely incongruous
with the man I thought I knew.<br> <br>
When I confronted him it all got turned around and it seemed like I was
the one with the problem. This always happens: I was snooping; it
wasn’t as bad as it looked; I should remember that all guys need stuff
like this and that most women are ok with it – it’s about giving him
variety; making sure we don’t stagnate; a “non-affair” way of making
sure that he gets enough physical release to not need an affair. He has
a high libido; I don’t understand his needs. He needs the variety; the
visual stimulation; the excitement. And anyway, the saved folder was
open because he was going to delete it because I made such a fuss last
time, but he forgot it was there; plus he didn’t even look at most of
those web pages…<br> <br>
It’s not FAIR! Why do I end up feeling doubly bad after talking to him? Why is there no one I can talk to about this?<br> <br>
He said he went back to it the last time because he was angry at me. <br> <i>He</i> was angry at <i>me</i>. <br>
I was tired of fighting over being hurt by his porn use, and wasn’t
handling being frustrated myself – I have needs too, but it’s not like
I can express them with THAT as competition – so I got angry at him for
something stupid and unrelated. Ok, so I didn’t deal with my anger
well, and if it’s any consolation I felt awful about it for a long time
afterwards. But no, on second thoughts I don’t think he does deserve
any consolation, because there is nothing he could do to make me angry
enough to do something to hurt him as much as that – even if I DID
think he would never find out! His use of porn makes me angrier than I
ever thought possible. But have I sworn at him, have I physically
lashed out at him, have I broken his computer, have I done anything to
deliberately hurt him in return, have I stormed out and demanded he
give up “or else”, have I given him a “porn or me” ultimatum - yet? No!
So what gives him the right to hurt me and our relationship like that?<br> <br>
Well, I have done I guess, by taking it.  However, no more…I will not, I CAN not, take this any more.<br>
How do I keep us going? How do I get him to see what he’s doing to us? I love him so much…but I don’t want to live like this.<br> <br>
On the one hand there’s this great guy who I fell in love with all
those years ago and loved more each day since then – he’s loving,
gentle, kind, respectful, faithful, truthful, sensitive, honourable,
compassionate, spiritual, intelligent, honouring...the list goes on. I
love him so much, I KNOW he’s a good person. I don’t want to lose that
person. How can I not love and trust this man? He is a good man, I’m
sure of it.<br> <br>
But on the other hand there’s this guy who is controlled by his body to
the point where he regularly masturbates over pictures and movies of
other people in explicit and demeaning situations – he doesn’t seem to
want or even try to control his urges! He’ll use porn <u>in preference</u>
to getting intimate with me…and he doesn’t see anything wrong with
this! How can I love and trust this man? Is he addicted, is that why
porn controls him like it does?<br> <br>
It seems he can’t wait for me to go out of the house, can’t wait for
some time alone with his computer. He avoids family stuff because he’s
“too tired” or “has a lot of work to do”…so I will be killing myself to
look after our family, our house, our relationship and he will be using
the time I’m spending on him and others to look at porn. We’ll make
dates to have time together…but he’s usually too “tired and stressed”.
But I know he’d have been looking at porn all afternoon while I was
working, instead of getting work done himself to be free for our date. <br> <br>
I know all this because now I’m this miserable, lonely, paranoid
person, who checks his internet history every chance I get. I’m
jealous, controlling, emotional, suspicious. I hate to leave him alone
to go shopping or go to bed early or watch tv without him. I can’t even
take a shower in peace without knowing what he’ll be looking at as long
as he can hear the water running. Even when I don’t check his computer,
I still KNOW when he’s been looking: he acts differently, he looks
different, he just seems…different. He pushes me away emotionally, puts
barriers up, won’t talk to me.<br> <br>
Who can I turn to? I can’t tell my friends, my family – they might
judge him for being a pervert and I don’t want to give him that
label…or maybe they’d judge me, for being a prude!<br> <br>
I feel like an uptight freak, alone in the world. <br> <br>
My world is crumbling, and I am lost.<br>
I am confused, I am in pain.<br>
I love him, I hate this.<br> <br>
What will it take for me to be all he needs?<br> <br>
I don’t know how to cope with this any more. I’m completely in the
dark. I feel numb and broken, and I don’t know how to feel right again.
I can’t sleep, I can’t relax – I’ve been awake for days now. I want to
lash out physically, emotionally and mentally and hurt him so badly. I
simply cannot even begin to fathom how to reconcile the different parts
of him with the different parts of me any more. I don’t know how to go
on. <br> <br>
I don’t want to back out of our relationship. I made a vow, and I want
to stick to it no matter what. But he has broken his vow. Our marriage
is built on a lie. Do I really know this man? His reliance on porn is
tearing me apart, breaking my heart and shattering my world. I feel
like I hate him sometimes…and in doing so I am hating myself, killing
myself with my anger, because he is a part of me. Why am I in this
position? I want to scream “it’s not fair” and make him give a damn –
but there’s no point, he doesn't listen. I feel like I’m drowning in my
misery. I can’t live like this. Surely there is a way through this?<br> <br>
He is a husband, a father, a lover, a friend. Why will he not step into
these roles and leave the porn that threatens them…does he really not
want to be part of this family unit?! I am his wife, wanting to restore
fidelity and respect for the sanctity of our marriage, willing to do
almost anything to help him…and yet he doesn’t seem interested in me or
our relationship. <br> <br>
Do I give him one more chance before I leave? Before I go insane?<br> <br>
I love him. I hate this. I am becoming numb. <br>
I have no one to talk to, I have nothing left in me to give. <br>
I hate who I have become. I cannot continue to live like this.<br>
What do I do now?<br>
Where do I turn?<br> <br>
The source of the problem, the internet…maybe there is help here as well?<br> <br> <a href="http://www.throughtheflame.org/" target="_blank">Through The Flame - Stop internet porn addiction – Get help in overcoming porn addiction</a><br> <br>
I am not alone, we CAN get through this!<br><br><br>See also:<br><br><span class="headline"></span><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2008/04/28/through-the-flame-porn-addiction-recovery-online-forums.aspx">'Through the Flame' Online Forums Support People Recovering from Porn Addiction</a><br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2008/01/13/amazing-net-war-on-relationships-explicit.aspx">Now Showing at Amazing.net: The War on Relationships (explicit)</a><br>Amazing.net is jealous of your human relationships.<br><br>It wants
your attention and money&nbsp;for itself.&nbsp;With messages subtle or not, its
movies encourage you to neglect and abuse your intimate partners,
especially your female ones. If you must relate to another human,
Amazing.net wants the experience to be exploitative, short and
unstable, to better ensure your swift return to a porn-hungry
state.&nbsp;These strategies appear&nbsp;to be working. At a 2003 meeting of the
American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, two-thirds of the 350 divorce
lawyers who attended said Internet porn contributed to more than half
of the divorce cases they handled...<br><br><b>Grudge</b><br>Man. Woman. The eternal struggle.
Grudge. Hold one today. The first look. The approach. The conversation.
The tease. The first kiss. Sex. Love? The commitment. You move in
together. Sex every day in every room in every position. Life. Work.
Soon the sex becomes routine a part of life. Then it becomes work.
Until that new first look. That new tease. But with a new person. And
what to do with the old? Four people fall into love. But do they
stay... or do they stray?<br><br><b>Married, Yes... Dead No</b><br>Harry and Annie are
newlyweds. But Annie has a sexy secret she is keeping from her
husband.. Shes a nymphomaniac! When Harry goes to a party at a friends
house who does he discover is the entertainment? His lovely new wife
and twoof her sexy friends! Fun for all is the order of the day!<br><br><b>Screw My Wife 32: And Make Her Sweat Like A Pig</b><br>Letting somebody else screw your wife means more TV time for you! Oh and make her sweat like a pig please!<br><br><b>Screw My Wife Please #35 - She's So Naughty</b><br>Why
go to all of the hassle of foreplay and having to make love to your
wife when you can sit back watch some porn studs nail your wife and
jerk off to your heart's content!<br><br><b>Screw My Wife Please #53</b><br>She gets an orgasm from a professional... You don't have to cuddle... It's a win win situation!<br><br><a class="" href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2006/08/13/now-on-sale-at-amazingnet-explicit-language.aspx" target="">Now on Sale at Amazing.net (explicit language)</a><br><b>Deviant Housewives<br></b>In
this world nothing lasts forever and it looks like Kelly Erikson's
husband Van needs some space. Kelly decides to invite all her friends
going thru the same problems to stay and support each other. But all of
Kelly's friends have an empty void in their lives they need filled and
it's from a younger man!...<br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2006/12/24/abusive-relationships-and-porn-the-similarities.aspx"></a><span class="headline"><span class="headline"><span class="headline"><span class="headline"><span class="headline"><span><span class="headline"><span><span class="headline"><span><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/05/29/jill-manning-impact-of-pornography-on-marriage-and-family.aspx">The Impact of Internet Pornography on Marriage and the Family: A Review of the Research</a><br>...according
to data from the General Social Survey in 2000 (N = 531), people who
report being happily married are 61 percent less likely to report using
Internet pornography compared to those who also used the Internet and
who had completed the General Social Survey in 2000...<br><br>Whitty
(2003) also found that both men and women perceive online sexual
activity as an act of betrayal that is as authentic and real as offline
acts and that Internet pornography use correlated significantly with
emotional infidelity (N = 1,117; 468 males and 649 females)...<br></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/01/19/porn-use-correlates-with-infidelity-prostitution-aggression-rapesupportive-beliefs.aspx"><font color="#6e5248">Porn Use Correlates with Infidelity, Prostitution, Aggression, Rape-Supportive Beliefs</font></a><br>In 2004, researchers also reported in Social Science Quarterly that "Individuals who have had an <a href="http://www.familyfacts.org/findingdetail.cfm?finding=7460"><font color="#6e5248">extramarital affair</font></a> are 3.18 times more likely to have used Internet pornography than individuals who did not have affairs."<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/08/19/infidelity-widespread-lasting-harm-promoted-by-adult-enterprises.aspx">Infidelity: A Widespread Practice with Lasting Harm; Promoted by Adult Enterprises</a><br>Recent surveys have estimated that as many as six in 10 married couples have had at least one unfaithful partner...<br><br>...the
agonies of infidelity are universal: the humiliation of having one's
private life exposed; the fear that infidelity will happen again; the
loss of trust that takes years to restore...<br><br>"Flashbacks can go on for years and years..."<br><br>"People
need to understand," [Yale University psychologist Janis Abrahms]
Spring says, "that it takes a good year and a half after the affair has
been revealed and contact with the object of that affair has been
terminated for the anguish and the anger to subside. During that time,
the couple has to expect a roller coaster ride of emotions...<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/07/23/survey-faithfulness-is-the-no-1-key-to-making-a-marriage-work-explicit-language.aspx">Survey: Faithfulness is the No. 1 Key to Making a Marriage Work (explicit language)</a><br>On July 1, the Pew Research Center released a detailed <a href="http://pewresearch.org/pubs/526/marriage-parenthood"><font color="#6e5248">survey</font></a>
about American attitudes towards marriage and childraising. What
particularly caught our eye was what the public believes is key to
making a marriage work--<b>faithfulness</b> tops the charts, with over 90% saying it's "very important to a successful marriage".<br><span class="headline"><span class="headline"><span class="headline"><span class="headline"><span class="headline"><span><span class="headline"><span><span class="headline"><span><br><a class="" href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/05/28/spousal-use-of-pornography-and-its-clinical-significance-for-asianamerican-women-koren-women-as-an-illustration.aspx" target=""><font color="#670803">"Spousal Use of Pornography and Its Clinical Significance for Asian-American Women"</font></a><br><br></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><span class="headline"></span><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2006/12/24/abusive-relationships-and-porn-the-similarities.aspx">Abusive Relationships and Porn: The Similarities (explicit language)</a><br><span class="headline"><span class="headline"><span class="headline"><span class="headline"><span class="headline"><span><span class="headline"><span><span class="headline"><span><br><a class="" href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/02/10/effects-of-prolonged-consumption-of-pornography-on-family-values.aspx" target=""><font color="#670803">Effects of Prolonged Consumption of Pornography on Family Values; Women's Desire to Have Daughters Plummets</font></a><br>Pornography
consumption had a most powerful effect on evaluations of the
desirability and viability of marriage. Endorsement of marriage as an
essential institution dropped from 60.0% in the control groups to 38.8%
in the treatment groups...<br><br></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2006/11/22/a-review-of-pornified-how-pornography-is-damaging-our-lives-our-relationships-and-our-families.aspx">A Review of Pornified: How Pornography Is Damaging Our Lives, Our Relationships, and Our Families</a><br>Many
of Paul's interview subjects said porn use made them more judgmental of
their real-life sex partners. One thrice-divorced 34-year-old subject,
who had been watching porn since age 10, said that he would break up
with any woman who wouldn't give him the kind of pleasure he saw men
getting in porn films. If the woman takes too long to reach orgasm, or
doesn't enjoy swallowing semen, she's history. (pp.92-93) Other young
men said they wanted their girlfriends to be "slutty" and submissive.
(p.94)<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/12/18/influence-of-porn-on-sex-practices-dispatches-from-the-field-explicit-language.aspx">Influence of Porn on Sex Practices: Dispatches from the Field (explicit language)</a><br>Jezebel is a busy website devoted to "Celebrity, Sex, Fashion. Without airbrushing". It's a&nbsp;<a href="http://gawker.com/advertising/">Gawker property</a> and hardly a bastion of anti-porn sentiment. Here are excerpts from&nbsp;a December 12 post, <a href="http://jezebel.com/gossip/how-porn-ruined-sex/how-about-you-dont-ask-to-come-on-my-face-on-the-first-date-333148.php">"How About You Don't Ask To Come On My Face On The First Date?"</a>, followed by selected comments from Jezebel readers...<br><b></b><br><b>Sarahmc:</b>
Men are so focussed on what's happening in porn, they are no longer
able to get hot over the living, breathing woman right in front of
them. Porn has completely skewed men's expectations of sex, of women,
of relationships...<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/04/21/my-boyfriend-is-addicted-to-porn-what-should-i-do.aspx">My Boyfriend Loves Porn - What Should I Do?</a><br>You do not
want to marry a porn addict and then suffer the consequences for years
to come.<br><span class="headline"><span class="headline"><span class="headline"><span class="headline"><span class="headline"><span><span class="headline"><span><span class="headline"><span><br></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/02/03/testimony-minneapolis-porn-marriage-death-spiral.aspx">Testimony in Minneapolis: Porn and the Death Spiral of a Marriage</a><br>About this time, when we went out we started meeting his friends at wet
T-shirt contests, amateur strip nights or elsewhere--we would meet
together as a group--or pornographic adult theaters or live sex shows.
Initially I started arguing that the women on stage looked very
devastated, like they were disgusted and hated it. I felt devastated
and disgusted watching it. I was told by those men, if I wasn't as
smart as I was, and if I would be more sexually liberated and more
sexy, that I would get along a lot better in the world, and that they
and a lot of other men would like me more...<br><br>Following this, we would have incredible arguments with each other. I
would tell him I loved him, I only wanted to love him, I wanted to be a
good wife, I wanted our marriage to work, but I didn't want to be with
these other people. It was he I wanted to be with, and no one else. He
told me if I loved him I would do this. And that, as I could see from
the things that he read me in the magazines initially, a lot of times
women didn't like it, but if I tried it enough I would probably like
it, and I would learn to like it. And he would read me stories where
women learned to like it.<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/02/23/reverend-susan-wilhelm-sex-became-especially-abusive-after-pornography-explicit.aspx">Statement of Rev. Susan Wilhelm: "...the sex became especially abusive after he started using pornography" (explicit language)</a><br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2006/10/13/cnn--dancing-star-evans-cites-porn-adultery-in-divorce-papers.aspx"><font color="#670803">Laurie Hall, <i>An Affair of the Mind</i></font></a><br>Over
the years, I've spoken with other women who have had similar
experiences. They tried extra hard to be attractive to their husbands;
but the year-after-year battering of constant comparisons with other
women and the continual attack on their desirability as a sexual
partner wounded their spirits to such a point that they gave up and
became the exact opposite of the firm, gorgeous, beautifully made-up
women their husbands kept trying to force them to become. Ironic, isn't
it, how pornography creates the exact opposite in real life of what it
promises in fantasy life?<br><br><a href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2007/01/13/young-new-yorkers-talk-about-porns-effect-on-their-relationships-explicit-language.aspx">Young New Yorkers Talk about Porn's Effect on their Relationships (explicit language)</a><br>“I think it will be really rare, and hopefully it will
happen, that I can meet a guy who will be happy with only me.”<br>]]></content>
	</entry>
	<entry>
		<title>'Through the Flame' Online Forums Support People Recovering from Porn Addiction</title>
		<link rel="alternate" href="http://nopornnorthampton.org/2008/04/28/through-the-flame-porn-addiction-recovery-online-forums.aspx" />
		<id>tag:nopornnorthampton.org,2008-04-28:ac3f8a57-a214-4308-8f53-665adf612d1a</id>
		<author>
			<name>NPNAdmin</name>
		</author>
		<category term="Impact of Porn" />
		<category term="Porn Addiction" />
		<category term="What You Can Do" />
		<updated>2008-04-29T11:23:15Z</updated>
		<published>2008-04-28T17:03:00Z</published>
		<content type="html"><![CDATA[<a style="font-style: italic;" href="http://throughtheflame.org/">Through the Flame</a><span style="font-style: italic;"> is doing great work helping people overcome porn addiction. They kindly sent us this article about their activities...</span><br><br><a href="http://throughtheflame.org/">ThroughtheFlame.org</a> is a free, online support group created for people affected by pornography. It is a growing community that aims to help people addicted to pornography or those living with someone who is. We aim to help people who have decided that they would like to get porn out of their lives and keep it that way.<br><br>We created our website with the understanding that the majority of porn addiction sites on the Internet have a religious inclination. While we feel that there is nothing wrong with this, we also felt that there are many more people out there who are not being reached because of this association. Our goal is to reach as many people as possible, and to help them live a full and happy life. The focus of this site is on healing, recovery and support. Through the Flame strives to be a place for restoration and support for those who are weary, and a safe haven and community. <br><br>Our site has seen a range of users young and old, male and female, from very different walks of life. Some are sufferers of porn addiction, others are loved ones of those with the addiction, but they all acknowledge that porn is harming their lives and the lives of those around them. <br><br>For many, porn addiction creates an environment of shame and isolation, but through the anonymous nature of the site, members have been able to find strength by speaking up about issues they had previously been battling on their own. Post after post, new members emerge with the courage to confront their addictions and share their honest stories with other members. We see the transformation and triumphs of those who are given a second chance to restart their lives and mend relationships with those who they lost to porn. <br><br>This is not a spectator si