Infidelity: A Widespread Practice with Lasting Harm; Promoted by Adult Enterprises

Today’s Republican publishes “INFIDELITY brings everlasting pain” by Chris Bynum. The full text of the article, syndicated by Newhouse News Service, can be found online at The Times-Picayune. Contrary to the impression you might get from porn, cheating in a marriage is no joke. The pain can go on a lot longer than the pleasure.

Recent surveys have estimated that as many as six in 10 married couples have had at least one unfaithful partner…

…the agonies of infidelity are universal: the humiliation of having one’s private life exposed; the fear that infidelity will happen again; the loss of trust that takes years to restore…

“Flashbacks can go on for years and years…”

“People need to understand,” [Yale University psychologist Janis Abrahms] Spring says, “that it takes a good year and a half after the affair has been revealed and contact with the object of that affair has been terminated for the anguish and the anger to subside. During that time, the couple has to expect a roller coaster ride of emotions…

The person who had the indiscretion “must bear witness to the pain they caused, listening with an open heart and empathizing with the pain they caused their partner,” Spring says…

See also:

Survey: Faithfulness is the No. 1 Key to Making a Marriage Work (explicit language)
On July 1, the Pew Research Center released a detailed survey about American attitudes towards marriage and childraising. What particularly caught our eye was what the public believes is key to making a marriage work–faithfulness tops the charts, with over 90% saying it’s “very important to a successful marriage”.

You won’t get that message from most of today’s commercial porn, where polyamory and infidelity rule. Consider, for example, these titles sold by Capital Video (explicit language):


This DVD features a story-driven title that mixes drama with hardcore sex. Wonderland tells the story of a man obsessed with his stepdaughter’s friend when she visits during Christmas break. Gary sacrifices everything in his traditional suburban existence for a single moment of ecstasy with a femme fatale.

Deviant Housewives
In this world nothing lasts forever and it looks like Kelly Erikson’s husband Van needs some space. Kelly decides to invite all her friends going thru the same problems to stay and support each other. But all of Kelly’s friends have an empty void in their lives they need filled and it’s from a younger man!

Use Em’ Abuse Em’ and Lose Em’ #9
Ride along as we pick up ordinary young women fuck’em senseless and dump’em! It’s all good clean fun!

Housewives Unleashed #16
These fine ladies have been locked away in their houses for far too long. With their husbands away on business our housewives need crave and demand satisfaction. The action gets hot and horny the moment their desires are finally unleased..!

David and Jennifer have a marriage on the rocks. In desperation they seek out a marriage counselor who proposes a revolutionary new method of therapy. David and Jennifer have free reign to cheat on each other for the next 24 hours. Their sexual inhibitions are set free and their fantasies fulfilled as they visit The Dark Side.

Salon: Porn Isolates its Users, Erodes Civility and Love
…whether you approve of porn in theory or not, its effect will be to displace [the mate of the porn addict]. Like crack, it tends to take over, to push out other hungers that tend to nurture the human community by making us dependent on one another. Since we are dependent on each other we must be civil and loving. If we are not dependent on each other then we needn’t be civil and loving. We needn’t have community and family. That is the way in which any drug breaks down family and community by isolating its user. Porn isolates its users also, meeting their needs outside the social compact. The social compact becomes a commercial compact between anonymous people, while those in the actual human community are relegated to bystander status. It introduces a third party into the erotic economy of a relationship…

Porn Use Correlates with Infidelity, Prostitution, Aggression, Rape-Supportive Beliefs
In 2004, researchers also reported in Social Science Quarterly that “Individuals who have had an extramarital affair are 3.18 times more likely to have used Internet pornography than individuals who did not have affairs.”

A Review of Pornified: How Pornography Is Damaging Our Lives, Our Relationships, and Our Families
The women Paul interviewed, even those who considered themselves sexually experienced and adventurous, frequently reported problems with their partners’ porn use. One woman in her 30s told Paul that she felt cheapened and alienated from her lovers when she noticed them using porn-film moves on her. She could tell when a man was a heavy porn user because he treated her as an object to be viewed, keeping her at an emotional distance. (pp.128-29) Other women said their partners constantly deceived them about how much porn they were watching. Women who made the concession to watch “couples” erotica with their partners felt betrayed and second-rate when they discovered the men were still secretly indulging in hardcore porn. They felt anxious that their men were not sufficiently fulfilled by a relationship with them. (pp.146-47) Just as when a wife discovers her husband’s adultery, these women wondered if it was their fault that the men looked elsewhere for sexual satisfaction. (pp. 170-71) Meanwhile, acceptance of porn was a romantic deal-breaker for many of Paul’s male subjects; they would rather sacrifice a relationship than kick the habit. (pp.134-35) This is a common symptom of addiction…

Porn also undermines respect for marriage vows. The Zillmann-Bryant study [link] found that only 39% of the massive porn exposure group thought marriage was an important institution, compared with 60% of the control group. “This shouldn’t be a surprise: loving wives and faithful husbands rarely feature in a porno. Pornography is the fantasy of permanent and unfettered bachelorhood; married characters who do appear are pursuing sexual adventures on the side. In pornography, partnered life hampers sexual pleasure.” (p.141)

The Impact of Internet Pornography on Marriage and the Family: A Review of the Research
…the following observations were made by [the 350 attendees of the November 2002 meeting of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers] polled with regard to why the Internet had played a role in divorces that year…56 percent of the divorce cases involved one party having an obsessive interest in pornographic websites…

Whitty (2003) also found that both men and women perceive online sexual activity as an act of betrayal that is as authentic and real as offline acts and that Internet pornography use correlated significantly with emotional infidelity (N = 1,117; 468 males and 649 females)…

Spousal Use of Pornography and Its Clinical Significance
for Asian-American Women”
Many female participants in the study by Bridges et al. (2003) noted a diminution in their partner’s sexual desire for them and believed that their partners had come to prefer the pornographic models to them… They reported a decline in the intimacy of their relationship, a diminished sense of their partner’s commitment to them, strong feelings that their partners failed utterly to respect them or understand their emotional distress concerning the pornography, and lastly, a sense that they were living a shameful lie by presenting themselves to others as a loving and committed couple… More often than not, the woman blames herself for losing her partner to his pornographic interest. She believes that if she were a ‘good’ enough woman, she would have been able to keep her husband’s attentions and affections and her loss would never have occurred…

“Waitressing, I cleaned the floors and I own a box of men’s wedding rings that I found on the floor.”
I went back to the strip bars to make money. I cannot tell you the lie and the fantasy that it is for men. Waitressing, I cleaned the floors and I own a box of men’s wedding rings that I found on the floor…

Carolyn McKenzie: Disease, Intoxicants Prevalent Among Strip Dancers (explicit language)
I’ve had wives call me and say, “I’m reading the credit card bill, and there’s all these strange expenses on it, places I’ve never heard of.” Well, those places are the cover organizations for the clubs, or the massage parlors, or lingerie services that their husbands have been frequenting. The next question I get is, “Well do you think I need to get a physical check-up?” And I say, “Yes, you do.” I can’t tell you how many of them call me back and say they have turned up positive for an STD…